Tough Week Ahead...

[Somefantasticplace]

This is the week when we have agreed to start telling people that we are separating after 28 years together. We've been married for over 20 years and have 2 DCs (one at home, one away) and we are starting with them.

Problem is that after more than a year of 'trying again' my DH has just realised that this is really happening. Despite many long talks along the way and me telling him again and again how I couldn't take any more of his moods and silences he says he just now realises why I want this.

He is extremely keen that everyone knows that it's me and not him that wants to split but also wants to say that he has tried everything to make things work. I beg to differ but don't want to have arguments in front of our DCs. I'm also facing almost daily 'discussions' about where it all went wrong and how he wanted to make it work but couldn't alone. Makes me furious as I've been saying for decades that his silent treatments hurt and spending many hours crying as I tried to find out what I had done wrong.

I gave in once about a year ago when I was ready to say it was over and agreed to try again. I really can't pretend any more but I feel exhausted by the attempts to persuade me I will be so unhappy in future and that no one will ever love me like him.

Can I please reach out for some support and encouragement?

Tough time for you op.

Personally if it was me and my dc are adults like yours I would be frank and say it's not working you have both decided it time to split and if they question further say your we're both unhappy.

You don't need a valid reason to wak away if your unhappy
People change life changes etc etc.

If he wants to start being a dick let him. They'll soon see what the problem was eh

That's tough and telling your DCs will be tough, although they may already know more than you think. However, there doesn't have to be any reasons given to most people and you don't have to be together to tell them. Just say you are splitting and no justification, it's not their business. If he wants to go ahead and say stuff just let him get on with it and ignore it- time will show the true situation. When I split from my husband I told my parents and my best friend, that was it (no DCs). Good luck for the future and planning your life without him.

Thank you @BlueJava and @marblesgoing and you are both right of course. The DCs definitely know that we are not OK and that I have been struggling so I think they will be sad but not completely shocked.

Also right that it's no-one's business and that's what I've been trying to tell my H but he insists he has to tell everyone that it's all down to me. I suppose I shouldn't care as those who know me will know this isn't something I'd do on a whim.

I am looking forward to planning a future and that's one of the reasons I want to tell people. I want to start making plans for selling our house and thinking about where I'll live and I'd like some real life support over the next few months when we have to live in the same house until second DC leaves home.

Thanks again for replying, it's nice to hear friendly voices.