Is this morally wrong?

[Mermaidwaves]

So I've started dating after coming out of a long unhappy marriage. I've dated a few guys so far and am new to modern dating. I have met a really decent man, he's kind, stable and there don't seem to be any red flags so far. We've had 5 dates but the problem is that he doesn't seem interested in things physically. He takes me out to dinner and I'm very comfortable with him, but if I initiate more than kissing he backs right off. He has hinted that sex for him is for a serious relationship which I respect but I'm getting frustrated. Plus I'm wondering if he finds me physically attractive.

One of my previous dates has contacted me for a hook up. The chemistry was really hot between us but we both agreed it wouldn't work long term. I'm tempted to meet for him for just a night as I'm not in a committed relationship with either man but it feels wrong to see both. I'm fully prepared to be told I'm wrong but I don't know what to do. I really like the first man and if we became physical I wouldnt be considering this and would be exclusive but it seems we are nowhere near that stage yet. What are your thoughts?

Thanks for your responses everyone, some varied replies. He is a bit older and definately comes across as quite traditional and he has had past relationships but not many. He talks across about them respectfully which is a good sign. I think there is chemistry but he seems more affectionate than passionate which I'm really not used to. If I'm honest I haven't come across a man yet who isn't all about getting me into bed so I think it's unsettled me.

I still really fancy hot sexy guy but he has red flags galore so I know he's bad news long term. I think if my first guy thought I was seeing someone else he would end it, he doesn't agree with infidelity, although it's still early days and we are not committed. I feel it's too soon to have that conversation after 5 dates though.

I think I wold would worry that 5 date guy was using this as an excuse for a deeper issue about sex. I might be completely wrong here but it’s a possibility.

You're not exclusive to him, therefore you're more than welcome to scratch your itch. I've done it before and I'd happily do it again. Why starve yourself of male affection, put all your eggs inside his basket while he's offering nothing concrete. Dating and dating exclusively are two different situations. Scratch the itch with saucy one but don't commit. Why on earth would you wait to be in relationship before having sex? You're completely ruined if there's no sexual chemistry.

It’s not morally wrong as you’re not exclusive but if you imagine a future with the first guy how would you feel about this hook up? This site is full of people feeling guilty about something similar happening in the early days of a relationship. Also would you be ok with him doing the same thing?

In my experience when this has happened to me when dating (ie. guy shy around sex/wants to wait) the guy has always had either erectile disfunction or a very small penis. Sorry to be blunt but I’ve had a few long dating/no sex scenarios where this has happened.

Poor old fashioned guy. Break up with him OP. If you have sex with this other guy how do you think he'll feel if he finds out? (and there's a good chance he will find out) You may not regard yourself as committed to him but he seems to feel differently.

How old are you both OP? My first instinct is - he’s unable to get an erection. What man doesn’t take a woman up in her lead for intimacy?!

Women often want to think these celibate guys are an undiscovered gem, lovely blokes, respectful, with amazing self control - but they so often turn out to have issues around sex, be that religious, homosexual, psychological or physiological.

You're really wasting your time here. End it.

Five days for me would be around the right time for me as I want to know if we are sexually compatible before I get really invested in someone. However, I wouldn't sleep with someone else either. I would just gently probe about sex with the 5 dates guy so you know where you stand and can make a decision.

I once dated someone similar who eventually said he considered a 6 month relationship serious and when he would want to start having sex. I totally respected his decision but it didn't work for me so we amicably went separate ways. It was the right decision for me as I met DH soon after.

Uh, five dates I meant. I do agree with PicsinRed though honestly

It does worry me that he has issues around sex, it's a possibility and maybe it's too soon to discuss it, I don't know. I'm going to keep taking it slow for now.

Interestingly hook up guy has been sexting tonight and it's leaving me a bit cold before I met first guy I found it exciting but now I feel a bit used and not quite right somehow. I think I'm realising that actually I want the affection and respect.

I think I've made my mind up folks! Thanks for everyone's input and it's helped a lot to hear lots of views.

I find it quite sad that some posters think negatively about this man for not wanting to jump into a sexual relationship after only five dates. FFS, it's not like they've been dating for five months, where obviously that might be an issue. Contrary to popular belief, not every man wants to immediately stick his penis into a woman he barely knows.