This is part of the script, isn’t it?

[LostInTransportation]

NC as I’m feeling like I’ve been a bit naive.

Colleague from another team has mentioned unhappy relationship for some time now (over a year). When my marriage broke down last year, we became closer. He stopped talking about his DP altogether for a while and then confided in me that he thinks she’s seeing someone else before Xmas. I believed him and we kissed.

Nothing more has happened but he’s said again that he still thinks she is seeing someone else. He asked me out for a drink last week and referenced us kissing. I said I was busy as I have my doubts now.

The more I think about it, the more I’m wondering whether it’s the usual script and I naively fell for it. I do really like him so I want to think he’s been telling the truth but he’s probably not, is he?

Is the unhappy relationship, cheating DP all part of the script to start affairs?

Read the thread where the op left her marriage for the OM but he didn’t leave his, despite his claims he was unhappy.

So to answer your question, yes.

Either way he's cheating isn't he? Do you want to be the OW?

To my shame I feel for a married man. Told me they were separated, fully apart said he was leaving, then he said about him buying Christmas presents and said they still have sex. I knew obviously everything he said was shit. We kissed and I never heard from him again. He must have felt guilty.

Thank you. I know you are right, really. I’m just angry with myself for believing it - I feel like I’m smarter than this!

It’s such a fucking cliche. I’m 10 years younger, he is in a more senior position. Ugh!

Well...I'd at least ask him some questions , have a look on social media....something....before dropping him.

It may be all innocent. What's giving you the feeling somethings wrong ?

I'd trust that feeling. It's generally right and your situation sounds painfully cliche'd. Let him do what he's doing, just don't let it be you he's doing it with.

You're worth more than just a portion of someone.

When a married man tells a woman his wife ' doesn't understand him' - the answer should be ' no maybe she doesn't , but I do - you're a tosser '

A successful man makes his marriage work - end of.

You de service better.

deserve

It may be all innocent. What's giving you the feeling somethings wrong ?

I can believe he is in an unhappy relationship, but I’m not sure about the cheating. It was 2 months ago since he first said it and I’m just a bit skeptical that he’s done nothing about it since then. I ended my relationship because I wasn’t happy so I don’t understand why he’s not doing the same if he genuinely thinks they are over.

Also the way he goes from mentioning how unhappy they are to not referencing her for weeks.

I am going to trust my gut on this. If things change in his relationship then great but I don’t want to get dragged into this and risk my personal and professional reputation if he is just stringing me along.

He's married.

He's a weak willed man who can't solve his own problems.

How can you find that attractive.

And the slatting the women he promised to love , honour and forsaking all others.

He's an absolute joke and can offer you nothing but uncertainty.

It may be all innocent
He's married and living with his wife, hasn't even said they have discussed breaking up - how can it be innocent?

Unlikely he has been planning some part of seduction for over a year.
More likely he is in a less than great relationship and was venting.
It’s also clear why he doesn’t always talk about it being unhappy - why would he. It can come in waves and he probably also doesn’t want to always bring his W into conversation.
Finally - why wouldn’t he just leave. Well, because people rarely just leave. Men especially often don’t leave until they met someone new. Fear of being aloe and inertia, I guess. And there might be kids, so it’s not that easy.

Even if this all wasn’t complicated - him being more senior and you working together is just a recipe for potential disaster.
If you like him - I’d just try being friends and have firm boundaries.