Relationship

[keetee3]

Should I break up or stay with my boyfriend?
/Am I with the right person?

Sorry I know this is really long but please read If you’ve been in a similar relationship or have any advice at all please help me!!!

I’ve been in a relationship for nearly two years now and I love him.He couldn’t be more caring. if he senses I’m not being myself / if I’m stressing about something / if I’m ill and when he does care he’s extremely supportive and knows exactly what to say.Hes also really helpful for example if I’m in a rush for work he will feed my cat or get my clothes ready .I am also a really reserved person and it takes me a long time to be myself around people however I can fully be myself around him and I have no barriers it just feels like I’m talking to my bestfriend.He also has a really nice family and I get on with them so well and he does with mine as well. I can trust him 99% of the time.We also get along really well and can have conversations for hours as we are similar in a lot of ways .He also does things I ask for example I enjoy doing things such as walks/picnics&baking and although he wouldn’t choose to do anything like that he does it because he knows I enjoy it.One of my best memories with him was Whilst we was on holiday as I had never felt so happy.

However when we argue it’s like he turns into a different person he gets aggressive ( not directly with me ) but he will slam doors , shout , drag my clothes out of my wardrobe , storm out of my house or come up to my house . I also live with my parents so I ask him not to shout or storm up to my house when we argue as it’s not my house so it’s disrespectful to do it ( why should they have to listen to us arguing ) but he never listens and just completely blows the situation up despite the arguments being about stupid things what normal people would just forget about after 5 minutes.This really puts me off him as he just turns extremely immature and I’ve told him to stop multiple times and a couple of times he’s stopped but he always ends up returning to his dramatic ways . However he always apologises In the end. He also isn’t that outgoing for example he never wants to go out to events our friends are going to ( he just prefers staying in 24/7 or occasionally going for food with me ) or even small things like jumping into the sea or going ice skating . however I am virtually the opposite I hate staying in and I love going out and exploring as much as I can ( but I do enjoy staying in and watching a film with him sometimes I just wouldn’t choose it almost every weekend ).However a couple of times I have eventually persuaded him to do fun activities for example a banana boat and he ends up saying he’s glad I persuaded him as he enjoyed it. i am desperate to go traveling and try working abroad ect however he isn’t so keep on the idea. He’s also got a negative attitude about work and his education he is lazy and relies on a lot of people to do things for him . I also don’t really find him good looking and I never find myself wanting to kiss him / have sex with him .I felt like this from the start ( as he just isn’t my type ) but because he was so nice and it was my first relationship and all exiting It wasn’t an issue and I could easily ignore it and our sex life was good.On the occasion I will find him good looking ( and I can see why other people would ) but 75% of the time I just don’t find him good looking at all .However this has become a problem in our relationship as he always wants to have sex with me and tells me how good looking he finds me but because I don’t feel the same I end up putting it off and he gets frustrated/upset about it. He also gets angry that I don’t flirt with him anymore but I think this is partly because I feel I don’t need to now we’ve been in a relationship for a long time and because I don’t find him sexually attractive. This is one of the reasons what has recently been making me question ‘is he the one ?’ . We’re only 18 and we’re each overs first for everything so I always think how do i know I’m with the right one if I have nothing to compare it to ? I also often find myself questioning wether I should be with someone I find attractive instead and wanting to explore what else is out there and enjoy being young and single . However I could never tell him about this as he is the most insecure person ever about his appearance so I would hurt him too much.

I basically love him to bits I’m just not really physically attracted to him and I’m scared there is going to be something better .however whenever I have thought about breaking up with him I just can’t bring myself to do it as I’m afraid that I’m going to regret it incase i throw away something special what I’ll never be able to find again as if I wrote down on paper what I would want out of a relationship he ticks 90% of the things on there and although his appearance puts me off him I Just keep thinking well it’s not going to be important when we’re older.

I’m just scared I’m wasting my teenage years with the wrong person when I could be out with my friends ( more) but then again I don’t want to throw away something I’ll never be able to find again.

You're in a relationship with someone you see as a friend. It's not going to work. Not long term.

You need to get out now before you let it go on any further. The longer it is, the more hurt there will be.

Sorry, you should get out of this entanglement. You are too different and he will hold you back on the things you want to do in life

Why are you with someone who rages like a toddler, you have nothing in common with and you're not physically attracted to? Is it because you like saying 'my boyfriend...'?

You got together with him when you were both (legally) children. You had no experience (either of you) which in hindsight would have warned you that this wasn't going to be the great romantic relationship of your lives.

Leaving aside that you don't find him attractive (which will be slowly crushing his self esteem even further) his behaviour due to arguments or disagreements is very worrying. He is training you to walk on eggshells and not say anything to "upset" him, for fear that he'll be verbally and physically abusive (throwing things and slamming door etc is unacceptable and a well recognised early warning sign of domestic abuse.)

If I was your mum I'd be overjoyed if you kicked him into touch. I'd also be calling the police when he came round shouting the odds, but she has probably refrained for fear of pushing you further into his arms.

When you tell him you're splitting, just say the relationship isn't working for you as although he makes an effort, you are just too different to be happy together, and you wish him well. No need to mention his looks - that's just hurtful.

Good luck. There's a lot of fun and excitement and socialising and activities waiting for you out there. Go get them!

At 18, you really don’t need to worry about ‘throwing away something special that you might never find again’. I assure you that you can find much much better. There are plenty of men out there who do all the good stuff your boyfriend does, but without the shouting, slamming doors and throwing your clothes out of the wardrobe. This is not your only hope of a relationship. This is where you learn from it, take note of what is and isn’t acceptable about his behaviour, and ensure the next one is a better fit. Even that relationship might not be the forever one. Who knows. But you certainly shouldn’t ‘settle’ for this.

1. I can trust him 99% of the time – Oh yeah? – what has he done in the past to make you not trust him 100%?
2. we argue it’s like he turns into a different person he gets aggressive – Big fat red flag – do not ignore this!
3. but he will slam doors , shout , drag my clothes out of my wardrobe – Wow – more abuse – stop ignoring it!
4. storm out of my house or come up to my house – Again, why are you accepting this?
5. I ask him not to shout or storm up to my house when we argue as it’s not my house so it’s disrespectful to do it – Indeed it is but he has no respect for you or your DParents or their house or your boundaries.
6. but he never listens and just completely blows the situation up despite the arguments being about stupid things – Again – red flags – abusive!!!
7. This really puts me off him as he just turns extremely immature – Hardly surprising!
8. but he always ends up returning to his dramatic ways – Indeed – all abusers end up reverting to type.
9. he never wants to go out to events our friends are going to – He doesn’t want YOU to go – more controlling.
10. he just prefers staying in 24/7 – He could be introvert which is fine – but I think it’s more about stopping you going out.
11. I am virtually the opposite I hate staying in and I love going out and exploring as much as I can – so get out there and enjoy life – jeez, you are 18 years old. You will never get these years back.
12. i am desperate to go traveling and try working abroad ect however he isn’t so keep on the idea – SO WHAT? Who gives a shiny shite what he thinks? You are 18 and if you want to go and explore then do it! You will seriously regret it if you don’t. That will build to resentment of him for ‘stopping’ you. No-one can stop you. Go go go go GOOOOOO!
13. also got a negative attitude about work and his education he is lazy and relies on a lot of people to do things for him – Aha, and more red flags
14. don’t really find him good looking and I never find myself wanting to kiss him / have sex with him – You don’t even find him sexually attractive. At 18!!??? Fuck that OP. It’s all about enjoying each other and sex at this age. Not trying to put it off.
15. as he just isn’t my type – No he is NOT – you are NOT compatible.
16. but 75% of the time I just don’t find him good looking at all – So why are you with him still? This isn’t fair on you or HIM, to be honest.
17. he always wants to have sex with me – so he finds you attractive, but you don’t him. So set him free to find someone who does want to have sex with him.
18. I end up putting it off and he gets frustrated/upset about it – Hardly surprising at 18 and this early on in a relationship.
19. He also gets angry that I don’t flirt with him anymore – that is weird. And another red flag.
20. because I don’t find him sexually attractive – as above.
21. I always think how do i know I’m with the right one if I have nothing to compare it to? – exactly, so get out there and find something to compare it to. DO NOT SETTLE AT 18!!!!
22. I’m just not really physically attracted to him – So cut him loose!
23. I’m going to regret it incase i throw away something special – read all of the above points. What is ‘special’ about this?? Nothing!!! You do not fancy him. You don’t like him a lot of the time. You’ve lost respect for him. END THIS!
24. I’m just scared I’m wasting my teenage years with the wrong person – You certainly are. Thank goodness you are questioning this.

Honestly, you are ‘settling’ at 18!?
Very very very few people find their true love at 16.
People grow at very different rates.
You are NOT compatible.
You don’t even want to have sex with him.
You want to go travelling.
You want to enjoy your youth and discover the world.
Too bloody right.
Now get out there and start discovering!!!!!

You don't fancy him and he's a lazy twat. Honey, you have a world of gorgeous boys at your fingertips. Go travel and have fun, don't waste another minute on this loser