Here's a thread I never ever thought I'd be starting. My husband has been dead a year - the grieving has been hard and complicated - particularly as we had been having difficulties and had moved away for a new life and a new start. We never got our new start as he died less than a month after we moved.
Now, I have met someone online through a mutual interest. He professes to be attracted to me. God knows why! I'm in my 60s and perceive myself as being far from conventionally attractive. He's a couple of years younger. We've had long long telephone conversations about everything including our deepest losses and cried together and established what seems like an honest and open relationship.
We plan to meet in the next couple of weeks in another town fairly near my home town, with the option of him coming back to my house. He doesn't drive for medical reasons so we're meeting in the nearest town to me with a railway station.
HELP! I know nothing of how making new relationships work. Besides not feeling ready for anything too close.
My gut feeling is if the attraction does carry over into real life I'll take him home and we'll spend the weekend together, and he'll share my bed. I said I'd have the spare bed made up in case it doesn't work out.
I know all the 'rules' about not sleeping with someone on first date but I feel too old for all that. My instinct after years of marriage and another long term relationship is that when the attraction and desire is there you follow through. I don't want to play games. I miss hugs and closeness from a caring peer.
If he's going to go cold on me after we have had sex, having sex sooner just brings forwards that time, doesn't it? I am aware of the need for condoms of course.
Having said all that, I could well freeze, with grief and remembering my husband and feeling guilt at being with someone else.
Please talk to me about making new relationships after a loss, and when you are older.