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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My "banter" is non-existant

3 replies

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 09/02/2020 23:06

Just that really .... I'm shocking at the small talk that seems to be required to get back into dating in my 30s whether online or face to face. I just find myself so nervous I tie myself in knots, I say the wrong thing, I try to make a joke and it's not funny, or I just fall over my words, stammer and dont even realise what's coming out of my mouth.

I even do this with friends. On our watsapp group the other day someone posted a photo that should have obviously gone elsewhere. Some ribbing ensued, a few backwards and forwards comments, lots of laughing, there was mention of a beard and for some weird reason I said "never trust a man with a beard" and it just stopped the conversation dead and felt really awkward until someone asked me why and honestly I dont even know why I said it. I definitely didn't mean anything by it and was just trying to join in the "banter". I just got it wrong again.

Am I alone in this?

OP posts:
WorkingOnIt2 · 10/02/2020 02:12

I am just noting the irony of not having any responses :)

I banter just fine with some people in some contexts and others not at all. Dunno why. Probably has to do with nervousness. Most people just want to be listened to anyway.

FagashJackie · 10/02/2020 02:23

Most people want to be listened to is right.

Also most people remember the stupid shit they've said, but nobody remembers other people's idiotic statements. Give yourself a break.

RainbowSlide · 10/02/2020 02:26

I definitely think it matters who you're with, how well you know them and their sense of humour and also what shared references you might have. Eg banter about kids and babies is great with my WhatsApp group of "mum friends" but obvs falls flat with my friends without kids. And I'm rubbish with popular culture and remembering anyone famous' names so in that context im completely useless..

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