Am I being abusive?

[ad2996]

I'm in a relationship with somebody is very much into playing video games, something I did not know about until he moved in with me. As I am a family person, I was getting annoyed with the fact that he was always absent due to playing games with friends who were playing all day, every day. They were also texting him constantly until he did join them on the game and he would sometimes stay up through the night playing it. This lead to me insulting his friends as they have a 2 year old and borderline neglecting her. We also argued about the situation and we compromised by having an arrangement of him disappearing every other day so we can actually spend time together. This hasn't really been the case as he fills the time by playing games on his phone instead. I have been bringing it up often as I feel I am unwanted and my company is not good enough, but he ju st believes that I'm being paranoid.

Now I am aware that his friend has been telling him that I am being abusive through making him spend less time on the game and insulting his friends and he believes whatever is being said to him.

Am I being abusive here? Is it ok to want to spend time with my other half, or I am being too demanding and trying to change him?

I think you know the answer, OP. Trust yourself.

This isn't going to work.
Tell him to leave.

I don't think you're abusive, but it sounds like you and your partner have different ideas of what a happy relationship looks like. For what it's worth, I wouldn't be happy in your situation either.

Tell him to leave. Whatever he wants from a relationship it's not the same as you. And he sounds more like a gaming-absorbed teen than a fully-functioning adult invested in a relationship. You don't sound abusive - just frustrated with it all.

Hi OP, I'm sorry this is happening to you it sounds frustrating and infuriating. I don't think you're being abusive although insulting his friend probably wasn't a good idea. It's hard not to lash out when you feel rejected, I know.

His friends sound more controlling than you, and maybe they are jealous that his partner wants to spend time with him. Are they single?

As a gamer myself I want to say I'm on your side with this.

Me and my DP both game together. Or if separately, (or with friends online) we always ask one another if they mind.

Could you suggest he finds a game you can couch co-op? Might be nice to enter his world if you are open to it?

If we're spending time together then no way. We go out and phones are usually off and in my bag. (His choice too)

Tbh I am a keen gamer and like to get in my "me time" but he sounds like a stroppy teenager with a screen addiction. If he won't unplug for you then you can tell him he's made his choice.

It's you or the pixels. Game addiction is real and can be just as problematic as drug, alcohol or sex addiction.

Lastly, so many people are quick to brand gamers as immature and the consoles as "toys".

Really, it's no different to watching tv, losing yourself in a book, a craft, or a sport.

Maybe try to get on his level about this away from the gaming environment, somewhere calm like a cafe or park.

Good luck. If he won't make time for you....

LTB

@MusicTeacherSussex thank you. I enjoy gaming sometimes myself however I am into the good graphic consol games, whereas he is just playing a pc game that he has been playing since he was a child, which I think is the problem. His friends are a couple who play the game together and his while outlook is to be like them and get me into playing it also, I just enjoy other things so can only use my consol for an hour at the most and I have no interest in pc games.

To an extent he is right that you can’t tell him how to spend his time and who with.

What you can do is decide if he is the right guy for you. You like to do stuff outside the house with your partner. He only likes to spend time with his partner if they are playing computer games with him.

So you get to decide if this is the relationship you want and act accordingly by ending it.