Is this marriage?

[RenM]

To start if off I've been married for 5 years now, my husband when we first moved it together as I didnt work supported me for 7 months. After that - even when i lost my job and was left in the house for 2 months while he stayed with family (knowing i had no money, even when asked for money said no) he did not support me. I lost 2 stone in those months. Fast forward to now, we live seperately with family so we see each other on the weekends (we did this because he was an alcoholic and use to beat me up - he now doesn't drink which is great, but his attitude hasn't changed much) with financial support, I've recently got a job but I missed the cut off point to be paid last month so I have to wait another month. He knows this, he also knows I havent been able to afford lunch or dinner on most days and have been asking work for the food they throw away just to eat. He does owe me money, I only asked this once for the money to be paid back so I can afford to feed the animals. He refuses and wont help in any way.

What can I do? Is this the way marriage is?

No, is not normal for marriage to be like this.

Why can't you start divorce proceedings?

This is not a marriage. I would take legal steps to end it and focus on getting benefits/a better job. Citizens Advice Bureau?

Not any marriage I would want to be in. Cut the ties and find someone who’ll be there for you 💐

How often do you see your friends during pregnancy?

So I'm about 20 weeks pregnant and I've probably seen my friend about two times.
She does want to see each other at pears twice a month, but to be honest when I'm pregnant I dislike being around people too much. It's nothing to do with her at all.

She is aware that I'm currently going through something and I did mention that I need some space and I'll be going mia for a little while.
I feel like she has had an attitude with me since.

Do you think I'm being rude ?

Sorry wrong place 😂😂

It's an abusive marriage. Contact Women's Aid for help how to leave him.

Thank you all, I've left him before but become so depressed that I guess I feel as if I leave him again, I'll feel that.

How do you cope with leaving someone? Hes my first in everything so I'm extremely attached.

Have I read your op right, do you each live with your respective families?
If you're with your parents surely they'd sub you until you receive your pay.

Doesn't sound like much of a marriage frankly. Don't settle!

What happened after he beat you up? Did the police charge him?

Has he assaulted anyone else?

What you do when you do is you block them altogether and you immerse yourself in doing other things - have you a good support network of friends, family, etc ?
Have you got hobbies ? Get some if not.
You work but is it something that you love - could you look at doing courses to go into a different field ? Or is there something you’ve always wanted to learn ? Maybe you’re a great baker, or long distance runner, or violin player but you just don’t know it yet.
You need to get better at being you, and then then get a much better husband - if indeed you want to remarry by then.
Please don’t settle for this clown - let him be the first man you’ve kicked to the kerb.

No, most marriages are not like this. I’m very sorry OP.

You know what you need to do.

You can stay with him and be miserable for the rest of your life, or you can leave him and be miserable for a little while and then it will GET BETTER and stay better and maybe you’ll even meet someone who loves you and looks after you and makes your life better.

Please don’t stay with this horrible man.

you cope by realising you are better than this. That you don't want to live the rest of you life in what sounds like an awful life now.
You will cry, your heart will break, you will wonder whether you should have been more patient, more understanding etc.
Then you will remember you. That it is sometimes better to be alone than with someone who doesn't not really care about your wellbeing, and truly value your love.
Be brave, you know what you have to do. It will be hard, but sometimes needs must. Only you can save yourself.

Talk to Citizen's Advice and the Women's Refuge. & if you have any real family or true friends out there - reach out to them too...

@Double3xposure He was charged and was told not to contact me for a month - that was all. No one else thankfully.

Thank you everyone, it's nice to speak to people who understand and can give me real advice. Friends/family I've spoken too only see a certain amount so they just say to keep going.

I know being with him will kill me as it almost did last year. I know I now need to protect my heart (I have a long qt, my heart is damaged already) so I think it's what I will have to do now. I've focused so much on him being my safe zone since my heart issue came about but even I know, reality wise - when I'm with him I'm not safe. All I do is ignore when my heart jumps or hurts.

Ok so he assaulted you because he’s an alcoholic, is that right ? In that case, why didn’t he beat up anyone else in his life, like his boss at work, bar staff, his family ?

It seems to be that he beat you up because he’s a violent abuser. And he still is even if hes not drinking . And i think that you are crazy to have anything else to do with him.

Thats before you take account of his behaviour of not giving you money for food.

I don’t understand why your family think he’s ok. What was your childhood like ? Were you staving and beaten up as a child?

Are there other children in your family right now ( nieces, nephews, grandchildren ) who are beaten up and dont have enough to eat ?

If so, you need to report this to social services today. . You can do it anonymously.

You can also ask women’s aid or your GP to refer you to a food bank, to get you through to the end of the month . If you are affiliated with a church , you could ask the priest or vicar.

Of course it's awful.

In the practical short term, asking for a week's salary early would be a very reasonable request and one many employers would honour. Or can you borrow a bit of money/ food from your parents? Or if not, find out how to get a referral to a food bank. I know this is not the big picture stuff, but first you need to eat.

What on earth was your parent's relationship like OP for you to ask if 'this is marriage?'

Get yourself to your local CABx who can give you a food voucher for a food bank. Try going to your local supermarket around closing time when they have reduced food. They can also advise if there are any emergency funds available for you until you get paid.

Do you know how to cook? If not, look up Dahl on youtube. It's very easy to make and you can make a big pot that will last you a few days. It freezes very easily. You can have Dahl and rice for lunch or dinner. Make soup from vegetables with lentils etc so it's filling.

Here's the CABx guide to leaving a relationship. Laws vary, so make sure you read what's relevant to where you are.

Contact your local Domestic Violence organisation as you sound like you really need support. You can find your local one here. Ask them about the Freedom Programme and if there is any counselling available.

You sound depressed. Go to your GP and tell her about what's going on.

Sorry, that was confusing. Your local CABx which you can find here, can advise if there are emergency funds available. Not your local supermarket.