I married my husband 18 months ago. The wedding nearly didn't go ahead when 6 months before I found messages on his phone to another woman arranging to meet for sex, they never did meet but, obviously, I was devastated. I dug a bit deeper and found a load of porn on his phone as well. I confronted my then fiance and we worked through things after a while and moved on, got married and bought a house. Obviously I told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to contact this woman (or any other) ever again and I asked him not to keep watching and downloading porn, it makes me feel very unattractive, ugly and fat as I will never look like those women so it makes me very insecure. I have issues with depression and anxiety which doesn't help.
Things haven't always been perfect, we have an amazing dd but I have since suffered 4 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy which I've found very hard. My husband also works away Monday-Friday so during the week it's just me and our 6yo dd and I don't have a big local support system as our families are spread all over and we're relatively new to the area we live in.
Anyway, today I had to borrow his tablet and I found more porn and downloaded images of women in their underwear. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm devastated again. He promised he wouldn't do it again and it's brought back all the emotions from 2 years ago. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him and the women in the pictures are so totally different from me it's made me question how he can even find me attractive if that's what he really likes.
I will never claim to be perfect but I always thought I was to him. I have a full time job and a 6yo to look after so the house isn't always perfect when he gets home on a Friday but I do my best to keep everything together. The house is normally full of love, singing and laughing all the time.
He has apologised, told me he's an idiot and promised he'll stop doing it but I'm just so hurt and feel completely unloved and unwanted.
Am I completely overreacting?