I need to leave

[TwinkleLittleBat]

I’ve posted on here a few times about my relationship with my DH. I’ve come to realise over the past year or so that he is, for the most part, controlling and not good for me.
He’s been trying more for the last couple of weeks since I almost ended things, but I think too much has happened for us to work out and be happy.
He has a history of cheating, being on dating apps and just generally being a bit of an arse.
Im nearly 30, and I don’t want to waste the rest of my life being unhappy. I do love him, I just don’t think he’s good for me. I don’t know to leave :(

Dont know how to leave that should say

You're so young. YOu deserve more.

He will no doubt try to turn this around by appealing to you to consider the 3% of him that is a good guy (or whatever) and make you feel that you're cold/heartless to want to disregard that when you decide to leave.

I went through this and I tried to spare his feelings which just gave him ways to argue with me.

Looking back I should have kept it brief. Statements about how I felt that could not be argued with.

''I do not love you any more''
''I'm not attracted to you any more''

''I don't see you in my future''

''This life makes me unhappy''

''I plan to be happy''

Pick statements that leave no ground for debate.

But, regardless of what I just suggested, you don't need his approval.

If him ''not understanding'' why you want to leave is going to delay your departure then he's never going to suddenly understand.

Tell him once, and then act exactly how you would have acted if he had acknowledged what you said.

Thank you :)
I feel awful doing this now as I know he’s been trying and things seem better. But I know it won’t last :(
What if I’m not happier after leaving? I just kept questioning everything, making excuses to stay.

I think there is a lot of peace that comes from living ''authentically'' as they say.

Sounds a bit cliche but if you're in a relationship that you know you'd end if you could only find the right words, then you're going to feel relieved when the deed is done.

I vacillated for years. Lists of pros of leaving. Pros of staying. I stared at my lists none the wiser. But the moment I left I felt better, because if I'd been happy I wouldn't have been trying to convince myself that the decision was a difficult one.

I left, and I felt relieved. And also, there is a self-efficacy that comes from making a decision and seeing it through that gives you confidence.

If you're brave enough to do what you need to do when you need to do it even if it's hard, then life will present other chances and other opportunities.