New relationship

[Tomtommy]

I’d be interested in everyone’s opinion on this but especially the mums I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable
I started seeing a lady in September she is an hour away so it’s mostly weekends she has four children but the youngest two are still at home one is 17 the other is 13 the thirteen year old doesn’t like us sleeping together so I book a hotel for sat night every week and we have a lovely time I’ve been renovating her bedroom for her took down a stud wall plastered ceiling and moved all her stuff inc bed etc no charge because I thought we were a couple
This weekend I didn’t work Friday so I could get more done so she booked two nights in hotel last night the second night despite a lot of teasing and flirting all evening on her part which I responded to as normal she didn’t want to do anything in bed so I was disappointed and quiet this led to a row and I couldn’t sleep in the early hours of the morning her phone started buzzing with messages she had three WhatsApp messages from men saying
Morning xx
Morning gorgeous xx
One was just a x from a guy
And one was on tinder another guy I came off tinder months ago and she knows that
But one message the guy said he wishes he was waking up with her and referred to her as sexy and gorgeous after a brief row I left and came home am I being unreasonable ?

Where’s the 13 year old when you are in the hotel ? That’s almost worse to me if she leaves a young teen alone ?

Did you ask about the men ? I have a best gay friend and he’ll send messages with xxx and love you babes on etc . But doesn’t seem likely she’d have 3 gay mates all text early

Oh, OP, you are being played like a fiddle. I'd get out as fast as you can and don't waste any more of your time.

Yeah she sounds like a user.

How do you respond when she plans to leave the 13 yr old over night?

Omg, don’t go back.

OP why did you get in a strop because she wouldn't have sex?

Why are you checking her Whatsapp messages?

Presumably the 17 year old can mind the 13 year old? Not nice a child that age being without their mum every Saturday night though. Not a great mum or girlfriend by the sound of it OP

Yes 17 year old stays with sister they are close

You went through her phone and tinder
You're doing up her house (not always the selfless ask it's seen as cause she owes you now doesn't she)
You're staying in hotels becuase her kids dont want you in the house, you're not prepared to go without so fuck it hotel.
You get shitty if she doesn't have sex
This is month SIX and nothing about this relationship is screaming 'she has a keeper' so if you're also having doubts. Leave

I don’t normally but she was asleep and it buzzed four times so I was concerned her the daughters might have been trying to get hold of her

So they messaged morning then what? Are there other messages? Was she online the night before?

Run for the hills OP.. she's using you to renovate too.. cheeky cow

So she has no code? then she's not worried about you going through her phone.
Also I get a buzz everytime I get an email, spam or not.
Why are you trying so hard?

No I didn’t go through her phone it kept buzzing while she was asleep and I was concerned her kids were trying to get hold of her but I didn’t want to wake her if it was nothing important the tinder message and others came up on screen the phone is locked

Morning gorgeous is a typical man sending msgs to everyone on tinder unless there's something else to support it. I suspect her 13 yr old would know!

Either it's a new relationship in which case, don't be getting into stamping your place on her house through fixing up.
OR
You want it be a new ISH relationship, in which case
Do be having an 'are we exclusive from today' chat
Stop avoiding her daughter because it's easier on both of you to let 13 yr old escape reality.
Become a part of each others lives

You've got a weird 'one foot in, one foot out' thing happening right now, you say 'I thought we were a couple' but you're in hotels taking her away from her kids.

You need to COMMUNICATE

Oh and men on tinder are dickheads

OP, I don't believe a word you're saying.

I think you checked her phone and read the messages because you were suspicious. I also think you believe that you're entitled to sex because you've paid for a hotel and have been helping her out.

I think it's a lucky miss for her. And yes, YABU.

Honestly some of the replies!? So she's managed to get you to do up her home for free, makes you pay for and stay in hotels and drop feeds you just enough attention to keep you hanging on whilst playing the field via WhatsApp.and tinder!..... run for the hills and cut your losses buddy. You're being played like a fiddle

Yes definitely give this a miss

She should be at home with her kids not in hotels , if they are not with another parent,

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Yes, of course she can change her mind re sex but sounds like she's absolutely using you.

Walk away, she sounds like she's a few men on the go. Wonder what DIY she has the others doing?

You sulked when she wouldn't have sex with you?

Don't do that. Dick move.

Apart from that, this relationship doesn't sound great. You don't trust her, she may be using you, it's causing problems with her dd...

She's a player.. she's likely got loads of guys running around doing her house up... you now know of 3 at least...get rid..

I don't blame you for looking at her phone. I'd do the same. Walk away before you renovate the whole house.