Sexless marriage

[CAZ54]

Hi I've been married for nearly 30 years. Not had sex since November 2019. Is this normal? Husband lost interest.

As in November last year? That's not that long in the grand scheme of things. There are some posters here who haven't had sex for years

That said, it's about what's normal for you. If you're a three times a week couple and suddenly it's been three months then there could be a problem. Any health issues? Problems in life or the relationship? Work stress? You've not given us a lot to go on!

I’d say no not normal but you will get others saying everyone if is different. Is this the longest “dry spell” you’ve had together or is this pretty standard? Xx

How old is he? How frequent was it before?

In some relationships it might be normal in others less so

Talk to him

Tbf, November isn't that long ago. I know some people who only have sex a couple of times a year.

The question isn't what's "normal", the question is are you happy with it?

So long as you're both happy with the amount of sex (or lack of) in your relationship, it's okay. The problems start when one person's ideal is very different to the other .. and they may feel rejected, or like they're not good enough .. and maybe even look for sexual attention elsewhere.

There is no "normal" when it comes to this, but if one of you isn't happy, it needs to be addressed.

We have talked but nothing changes. We are both in our late 50s. Just sad if this is it.

Kids left home.

I've lost a lot of weight. Feel a new woman!! Was size 14, now size 12.

What’s his view of why it’s not happening OP?

His view is should do it more and that's it. We tend to have sex when I moan we haven't had it for ages

Sorry to ask. Any issues with rising to the occasion? Maybe he’s worried about not being able to perform, so therefore trying to avoid?

Same here October 2019.....I have given up to be honest he makes me feel like I am a nymphomamiac that sex twice a year isn't enough. He is fantastic in every other department so I think I will just have to resign myself to the end of my sex life x

You say he has lost interest but also that he thinks you should do it more. These seem inconsistent - if he thinks you should do it more why does he not do it? Does he have ED or another health issue?

It's perfectly possible for your sex life to continue beyond your 50s - we are in our 60s and still DTD at least once a week.

my boyfriend and I had sex every day till i told him pregnant. now only three times a week and he avoids vaginal penetration . believe it will hurt baby even after doctor said it will not harm baby

I’ve not had sex with my wife in over a year, she’s not interested whereas I’m gagging for it. Constantly pushed away she will not entertain the thought of sex at all, doesn’t flirt with me is stone cold when it comes to anything like that.I'm ashamed to say I’ve even contemplated having an affair just for some female contact. So your not having sex since November is early days but no I don’t think a sexless marriage is right or fair unless it’s what you both want.

Have you openly discussed your sexual desires with your husband and reasons for him avoiding. possibly could be a medical dysfunction

@afropinogal my boyfriend and I had sex every day till i told him pregnant. now only three times a week and he avoids vaginal penetration . believe it will hurt baby even after doctor said it will not harm baby

Don't worry - afterwards ti all comes back.

You need to talk outside the bedroom. You are younger than me OP and I’m climbing the walls if we haven’t had sex in 3 days, let alone 3 months.
The physical side of a relationship is so important and you need to tell him that.
It doesn’t always have to be PIV, just the connection and release.
Good luck

It does depend, once or twice a month isn't unusual at a more mature age, just a few times a year is a common complaint among my female friends, but they also say that performance is an issue, especially if their dp's/dh's on on antidepressants. (They are all jealous of me but I'm in a newish relationship following being dumped by my stbexh.)

i told him this morning i will abort and leave him if he doesn't show any consideration for me. i visit my ex today for shoulder to cry on . probably a stupid move

I’ve had sex twice since August - 34/36 no kids and together under four yeArs 🤷🏼‍♀️

After 30 years I wouldn't panic!