Hi everyone,
I think I already know the answer, but I just want to give you a brief history of my relationship with my boyfriend before I ask about my issue. We started dating about March 2018 (I'm 27, he's 30) after chatting on a dating app, we found out we worked next door to each other. I was getting over my ex dumping me for someone else and he had been single a few months after his ex of 9 years left him. Throughout our time getting to know each other, we have had struggles, usually down to me. I've always suffered with anxiety and paranoia - throw into the mix, an alcohol problem I have (which enhances my paranoia and insecurities, also which I drank on) but I am now working on my sobriety and am starting rehab next week.
My boyfriend has seen me in some upsetting drunken states and has looked after me. His dad died of alcoholism and I used to worry he was with me because he was co-dependent on me, and I him. He thought he could help me. He has said this isn't true.
It's coming up to 2 years we met. The last few months I've sensed him going off me. He has said this isn't true. We still have sex often enough, and he still says he loves me, in person and through texts.
He moved out from his mum's mid last year and it's the first time he's lived on his own, and money got a bit tight for him (I still live on my own). My birthday was early this year and a month or so before we went away for it, he asked me to help pay for it. Now, I know this isn't a huge deal, but it was my birthday and a year prior to this when I had barely any money, he would never have asked me to pay, let alone for my birthday. Then on my birthday trip, I was getting paid the following day and he wanted to explore the city we were in and he said "ugh, I guess I'll have to pay for us both"...I dont know why he got annoyed when I could pay him back the next day? He did apologise for this afterwards.
Anyway, fast forward to February now and he's been texting me later and later in the day, doesn't always text me good night like he used to always do, without fail. I just don't feel as "safe" as I did with him before.
I probably sound like a horrible person and I'd understand if you all took his side :( I think I've left it too long to sort my addiction out and blown this relationship.
Anyway, I was feeling insecure earlier tonight and I know this isn't good, but when he went to the toilet, I looked through his phone and noticed he had been looking up a girl's name on his Facebook search bar. He had tried different spellings of her name and the shop she works in (it's a shop he goes into regularly and talks about to me, not the girl, I only found out about her tonight).
I rang my sister first to see if I was just being paranoid but she said why don't I just ask him about it and apologise for looking through his phone (I havent done that for ages, only whenever I was sad and drunk).
He basically admitted she was a girl in her mid 20s (though I think shes probably younger because he hesitated saying that), she's slim (I'm overweight, with an underactive thyroid and struggling to lose weight atm), and brunette (I'm dyed blonde). His ex before me who he was with for 9 years was also the new girls description.
I asked why did he look her up and he said he was interested in what she gets up to.
????
Why would he be interested in someone he doesn't know? He said he chats to all the workers there, yet he wasn't looking up their names on Facebook. I asked him what does she and him talk about. He said he doesn't talk to her..which seems even more weird he would look her up? If they did chat when he goes in there, he would have more of a reason to look her up? I asked if he found her pretty and attractive. He said no. He said he wasn't interested in anyone else. He said he'd "never split up with me" that we've been "through alot", which made me think he probably feels sorry for me so thinks he can't leave me because I'll relapse or whatever. But I'd just rather he tell the truth. If he likes her and I find out he was lying further down the line, surely that's worse than just being honest now?
I dont want to drink (this is exactly the sort of situation I'd want to drink on before) but I need and want to stop. I'm looking forward to rehab next week, it'll give me time to focus on getting better.
I'm sorry for the long post. I just wondered if anyone thinks my boyfriend could be interested in this girl? He wouldn't look up a woman in her say, 60s who worked there would he? I understand he could have felt lonely the times I was drinking and he got get attracted to someone else, but the fact hes looked her up is making me so insecure and paranoid and I'm wanting to go into her work to suss her out, just to see what she looks like (I'm really insecure about my looks and worry about getting old).