Father in law diagnosed with cancer

[Clangers23]

Hello,

My father in law has just been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer which has spread to his liver. He is in his early 60s, the consultant advised its too widespread to be operated on but they are going to give him chemo to try and control it.

My OH is absolutely devastated, understandably. He really is a broken man right now. I lost my father at a young age and have not experienced the loss of someone close to me as an adult and so I feel totally useless right now. I don't know what to say or do to help my OH. I hold him when he sobs, I try and tell him to have hope but I don't feel I am doing enough, I just don't know the right thing to say.

Has anyone been in my position before? If so, how did you support your OH?

Thank you in advance to anyone who gets a chance to reply to me xx

Don't try and instil hope - it doesn't sound like there is any. Hug, hold space, pick up his chores, encourage him to spend time with his dad, help support his mum and so on

Elizabeth Kubler Ross suggests that there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

Your DH has entered these stages and he is grieving, there is no time limit on these stages and no order to them.

You sound like you are being supportive, your DH may need some grief counselling to come to terms with what is happening.