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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

i really really need some advice, am i really that horirble!

4 replies

totallyducked · 03/09/2007 03:59

firstly i had a wonderful birthday organised by dh but unfortuantaly had a fight with best mate and alienated most my friends through it. now aleinaing him as i wont stand for him calling me names and screaming fuck head at me whilst kids asking me why why why!
today had friends over and he took man friend to shop with him to get more beer, he was along time and i needed to ask him about something to do with ds, he didn't answer phpne and then came home siad sorry was at pub- ok not major prob but pissed me off slightly, he then said dont worry ill help you tidy up but then later into the night he just proceeded to pass out on the sofa, when i woke him he said in a very loud voice why are yo hitting me why are you hitting me- i ws rocking him gentley trying to wake hime up!the kids were aroung hiim on the sofa wondering why he was saying this and also kinda distressed!
i reasureed everyone i was not hitting him but mearly trying to wake him up as he cannot pass out whilst our friends are here and whilst the kitchen in such a mess that he had prominsed to clean, he then screams at me in front of kids and guests so i lose it and go fine im going bed then and i give the baby to him and say you have the responsobility. he then storms upstairs telling me i have made my friends feel awkward and crap and its no wonder i dont have any and i am an idiot and i have no right and am lazy arse and are making a right scene and ruining yet another night! (refering to my birthday night a few days ago) which up to now i thought he aggreed with me it was my mate that ruined it not me!
i come back down stairs and say to friends im sorry seems like i have made everyone feel unconfortable and am ruining yet another night! dh then gets pissed off - or rather embarressed and proceeds to shrink into background whilst i say goodbye to friends and get the kids into bed, then he launches in to me with how i embarresed him and have no freinds becasue i am complete hateful person and always argue and am basically am a complete twat! i say to him why i feel like i do that he must either look after baby whilst i clean up or other way round as he cannot expect me to do both and be up till 4 in morning especially as he prominsed he would help me,
he has spent rest of night calling me names saying im worthless and how all my friends hate me and how i am a peiece of shit, my kids have asked me why we are arguing and i have now come to mumsnet for advice on what to do as all my friends love him because he did wonderful things for my birthday and never see him when he is so nasty to me,
so i have no support at all but am very unhappy and am even wondering whether its true- maybe i am a complete idiot and should maybe go and top myself, what use am i to the kids if i can't even perceive things properly, if i have really pushed away everyone and caused scenes and arguments and hatred maybe i should just leave, i cant leave him with my kids though as i would rather be dead than leave him to bring them up.
ive told him hes not right for me and our arguments are fucking the kids up but he still stands outside their bedroom door swearing at me, i said that i want him to move out but he never goes. i am completely trapped, have no friends who dont idolise him and i do not know what to do. someone please reply to me please- even if its in the morning as you prob guess im insomniac!

OP posts:
meowmix · 03/09/2007 06:29

I'm sorry you're upset but I don't really follow what happened from your post as its a bit garbled.

can you repost?

stoppinattwo · 03/09/2007 06:50

I think you have done well to get all this out of your head TD. meowmix is right it is a bit garbled but i have read it a few times and I think I understand.

It sounds like you are haveing such a shitty time love, and for that I am truly sorry. Stop the talk of not being there though, your kids need you and they love you very much and you are a good mother to them. The very fact that you are on her worrying indicates that you wnat the best for them. What your DH is doing by calling you all these names is demoralising you, keep in your head you are not these things and he is thoughtless for saying them especially infront of the kids and your friends.

He sounds like he is being rather childish. Are there times when you can talk sense to him, ie when he doesnthave an audience??

Im sorry Im not much help with advice only to say that you need to keep talking to us here and we will help as much as we can to keep your chin up and listen XXXXXXXX

PellMell · 03/09/2007 07:36

Your argument with your friend was a weapon your dh used (just like throwing a stone)when you woke him during a drunken sleep. He was never going to talk sense as he was drunk!!!!

What is more concerning is how your relationship is generally and how come your self esteem is so low.
When you are proud of your self and happy with who you are.... people can say what they want and you know they are wrong.

I'm sure he has some lovely qualities but from what you posted he sounds like a jerk when he has a drink.
You know that if this is a common theme in your home then you really must take steps to put your childrens emotional welfare first.
Keep posting and someone will be along who can help you
{{{{hug}}}}

jellybelly25 · 06/09/2007 18:39

It's not acceptable for him to swear and shout at you etc in front of your kids/friends. Very cruel.

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