I need to make a serious decision to either stay in this relationship and make significant changes, or move on. Please help😔
So, we’ve been together for 2.5 years. We had always lived separately until one month ago when we both gave notice and moved into one big garden flat. I have a son aged 5, he’s not my bf’s child by birth. My bf works full time. I am a full time student as of September last year. Before we moved in together, we planned everything meticulously - finances, responsibilities, day to day routine, etc. We discussed the financial side of things ahead of the move many times to make sure we don’t omit any expenses and everyone is happy with the arrangements. My bf insisted on using his income for all the expenses - rent, bills, food. All my income is to be saved (mutual savings, of course). Basically, we agreed to try and only spend money from one card and all we retain must come from the other.
Now, when we moved in, my bf paid the deposit and first month’s rent. I paid for all the furniture (using the deposit I got from my previous property), which came to approx £2k. I also had my own savings pot, from my son’s maintenance predominantly, which my bf has been using for this and that since we moved in together, as apparently he was running out of cash with all the expenses of a new tenancy.
After about 2 weeks into the cohabitation, my bf started saying things like “you’d be homeless without me” (in front of my 5 year old), “stop spending my money” (that was when I got myself a small treat whilst doing our weekly food shop), etc. He accused me of living off of him quite a few times in the last month, I don’t remember all he said because I tend to forget such hurtful expressions he makes.
It upsets me a lot and makes me feel betrayed. I trusted him when we together sat down and made plans for the future, I gave up a significant sum of my student finance choosing to move in with him. I put myself in a vulnerable position, foolishly believing we’d stick to the plan we made. To make matters worse, he hit me today during a disagreement. The disagreement arose as a result of me wanting to stay in for a bit this morning as I had a very hectic week, and he thought it best to “go out as a family”. He was ranting at me in a raised voice about how I “need to step up and show some attention” to my child (my son is the apple of my eye, we have a good relationship and I have always cared for him wholeheartedly, he’s a happy content boy). Basically, my bf wanted to go out and I wanted to stay in for a bit, he felt he could make me go out by saying spiteful hurtful things, I said something I should’ve have and he came up swiftly and squeezed my knees together until I involuntarily let out a shriek, it was so painful.
I want my tiny cosy flat back. My very humble, but steady bank account. I want my life back, I made a horrible mistake.
I thought I knew him well enough. He never used to be stingy or make comments about how he pays my way (he often paid when we went out). I felt like I found my soulmate in him, I found comfort and security with him. I don’t know what I’ve done to destroy it all. I am very miserable now, particularly at the prospect of explaining to my son why we have to move again. I’ll have to ditch out yet another deposit and convince a letting agent to take on a student single mum. On the upside, I love my University and adore the profession I am after, I find a lot of comfort in working the flesh off my bones in the library. I will be ok, after some initial loneliness and depression. I just feel so betrayed.
Would you say there’s anything else I should resort to before putting this man I once trusted with my whole heart behind?