I don't know what to do - handhold

[Robynbird]

Hi all, this is my first time posting, longtime lurker.
I have been married to my OH for 7 years and have 2DD, the eldest, 13yrDD not biologically his and how good our relationship is based on how he is feeling that day, always shouting and causing drama. I'm always very much on edge.
At the beginning of December I was severely injured at work and since then he has been intolerable. He has refused to help me in every way after coming out of hospital, from getting dressed, bathing, looking after the kids/house, everything really. He says the most horrible and disgusting things like he wasn't upset when I got hurt, he thinks I'm playing up to my injuries, the sight of me turns him off etc and it's not like he apologises afterwards either, I just have to accept it and I feel it's affecting my mental health.
Recently though he has turned on my DD13, she is a very sweet girl but the usual moody teen sometimes. He just goes crazy at her when she rolls her eyes or has any attitude and we always clash afterwards.
Today he took it to a different level, an arguement broke out and he screamed at my DD13 she was a little shit, that blood is thicker than water and he only had one daughter.
I know I need to leave him, for my daughters sake as well as my own. I just feel a failure that my second marriage didn't work and my 5yoDD will be absolutely heartbroken as she's very much a daddy's girl.
Just needed to vent and be told what I already know really 😕

Get rid of him.

Leaving is the right thing to do. This will mess both your daughters up if you stay.

No, it won't be easy, but it will become easier with time. You are going to have to support your girls to repair the damage that has already been done.

Have a look at the Freedom Programme. If not for you, then for them. It covers how children are affected by living with this.

This is damaging for all of you. Your youngest will be upset but if you stay she will grow up watching you and your eldest being abused.

Get rid of him now.
Go to see a solicitor on Monday and get information so you can set things in motion.
You can't go on like this.
Don't think about being a failure because of a second marriage not working out. It happens to so many people. You are not alone.

without question you leave

Put both your DD’s first a leave because how he his behaving towards you and your DD1 is doing DD2 absolutely no favours believe me.

So it’s a very firm LTB from me and some for you.

Definitely time to leave, there’s no room for forgiving that one. What a nasty man.

This is damaging for all of you. Your youngest will be upset but if you stay she will grow up watching you and your eldest being abused.

Spot on.

He is disgusting.

He does not love you, he could not treat you or your daughter this way if he did.

Please leave. And as soon as you can.

The longer you stay the less your eldest daughter will feel you are on her side.

OP I'm really sorry to hear about your injury. That must be very difficult to adjust to and I really hope you are getting some support regarding that.

There's a common misconception that when an perpetrator is abusing their partner that it doesn't affect the children as it's indirect. That isn't true. An abusive relationship always affects the children as much as it affects the partner. Just because your partner has just turned on your daughter, doesn't mean he hasn't been abusing her all along.

A grown man screaming at a 13 year old, really is despicable. I can only advise you to start planning your exit strategy. Start logging his abusive behaviour as this helps to build evidence.

Contact Gingerbread for advice and information on life as a single parent. Contact your local DV organisation to get help and support and look into doing the Freedom Programme to learn about healthy relationships. You can use the CABx website for information on separation and divorce. Rights of Women can give you legal advice or check out the Family Law Panel for solicitors.

That is despicable abuse of your poor 13yo.

It's really important that you tell her that none of this is her fault and that you are leaving him ASAP. She must see you putting her first, otherwise your relationship with her is going to suffer in the future.

You are never a failure for leaving an abusive POS but you will fail your daughters massively if you stay in that situation.

Other posters may have more practical info on how to stay safe while you leave him, but it's urgent that you do so.

If you are not seen to make a clear break now, immediately after him doing this, your daughter may be irreparably damaged by this.

Leaving him would be making a success of your life. Staying would be the failure..

Be brave, leave. He's shown you who he is. Don't allow him to ruin any more of you or your girls lives

Your all completely right! I hope this isn’t outing me if anyone I know is on here but I’m a police officer and the most frustrating and embarrassing point is I should know better. I do know better, but it’s so difficult when it’s you in that situation.
To top it all off I’m not dealing with my injuries well, both physically and mentally. I know that due to permanent damages I most likely won’t be able to return to work and the thought of not doing the job I have loved for 18 years makes me ill - I can’t even comprehend not working. I have a lot of support from colleagues/friends and family but I what I really needed is support from my OH, instead it looks like the end.
My DDs will always come first and I’m just telling myself I’m strong enough to walk away - even though I don’t feel it.