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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why am I the one making all the effort?!?

3 replies

poopbear · 08/02/2020 10:19

what do I do to change the situation? It’s always me making the effort to drive to see family. They are an hour away. It’s been about a year since they came to my house. My mother is on my back constantly to see me, see the kids but then the effort/cost/journey is always on me. If I say no then she gets moody. I’ve got small kids, school stuff, housework, groceries to sort etc but she wants me over at hers! So I’ve said today no. I’m exhausted. Why don’t you come to mine if you want to see us and she won’t come! What do I do? Do I just refuse to go over unless she starts making some effort back? I’m sick of always being the one running after people. I want to be the one sat in my house while people come to visit me! I don’t know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
something2say · 08/02/2020 10:28

You've done the right thing. Call it. Only go when it suits and if they want to change that, they will. Well done. Dont take on board any suggestion that the onus should be all on you, because that's ridiculous. Bright and breezy and this is how its gonna be from now on.

Lollypop701 · 08/02/2020 10:32

I agree do what you want, If you want to see her then go or tell her she’s welcome to yours. She had no impetus to change if you pander to her. Bright and breezy is definitely the way forward

notthemum · 08/02/2020 10:50

Yep, totally agree. Well done for saying no, if you are used to doing as you are asked/told then it must have been a shock for both of you. Tell her you and kids would love to see her but you are not going there. Stick to your guns. Try and have a little relax with your DC this weekend 💐 for you

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