Need some advice on my ex!!!

[Sugarpuffz1989]

I left my ex just over 18 months ago now we was in court for 14 months which ended up in a year-long non-molestation order and no contact order with the children. I found out just two days after the court case ended that my brother was sexually abusing my youngest child. it tipped everything on its head. I let my ex have contact with the children. I felt guilty I've let him walk all over me to the point where he's talking to my children 4 hours a day which is taking over my life, I have felt recently that I am starting to get strength back and and I told him that he is not having this much contact with the children and he started to abuse me and say it's all my fault that our child got sexually abused and started to harass me like he always have. my non-molestation order is still in place. Can I still invoke it or have I broken the rules of it and cannot use it anymore?

I am so sorry to hear about whats happened to your family. What a hideous mess.

You shouldnt have gone back to your ex (who the hell can talk to a child gor 4 hours every day?)... but you did. You know you dont have to speak to him - you dont have to answer when he phones, etc. I think thats what i'd do. You need proper advice though - i dont know the actual ramifications of disregarding a NMO.

I hope your children are getting the help they need

Social services should be involved and you should be questioned. Why have social services not taken the kids away?

Get in contact with the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 Have the documents to hand as they will ask you about them.

You need to step up and protect your children OP. It's outrageous that there's a no contact order and you have allowed your abusive ex to have daily unsupervised contact with already traumatised children.

Keep him away from them.

Sorry i didn't mean no contact, i meant no direct contact. The calls are not unsupervised, and when he talks to them he is being nice and they like talking to him, the problem lies with the amount of time, i have let it slip too much and now trying to rein it back in my ex has stared to be abusive towards me again. I just dont know how to fix it and i cant really stop all contact because he is being nasty to me and not the children. I have the in-direct contact order, a live with order and the restraining order (which is now useless as after finding out about what was going on with my youngest i spoke to him to tell him as its his right to know something so serious)
The courts told me to let him speak to them on the phone to build a relationship and when i thought it was right to start letting him have them, it was getting close to that point but i just dont know if i feel comfortable letting him have them while he has such hatred towards me again, as thats what sparked of the things he did to loose contact in the first place.
Thanks for the comments, except the one about social services taking the kids away.

This is the problem with trying to get online advice OP. When you speak to a professional, they can gather all the necessary evidence and details and give you appropriate advice.

Contact the NDAH, I gave you the details above and take it from there. They can direct you on how to sort out the legal aspects and on how to protect yourself against the abuse.

You obviously need to put boundaries in place with the amount of time he spends on the time with the children. If the calls are supervised I'm assuming it's on speakerphone so you can hear what he's saying. So are you sitting there for four hours listening to him talking to your children every day? Don't your children have homework, sports, meet friends etc?

Regarding the abuse, what is he doing (although by asking it's a waste of time as the NDAH are better placed to advise)? How is he getting to you in order to abuse you?

Hi, i have already been to the domestic abuse helpers in my area when i first moved, they look after you with course and help with self esteem but the sign you off after 6 months as they need to help others. I would go to my solicitor but im still paying of the 11 thousand the court case cost me and i cant run anymore up. He messages me thorough the kids Skype account i set up for them. as for what he is doing he just keep blaming me for the sexual abuse to my daughter every time he doesn't get his own way, threatening to take me back to court etc, might not seem like much but day in day out its taking its toll on my self esteem and the guilt im already fighting with every day. im just really frustrated with everything, i fought so hard to give the kids a better life and then the floor fell from under me as things were getting better, now im right back where i started but 11 grand in debt.
Yes they are on loud speaker, i work from home so i work while they talk, they do have after school activities on certain days yes.

Unilaterally reduce the phone calls.

Keep the abusive messages to you. They show that he is mainly using the contact to get at you.

Four hours a day is ridiculous. I wouldn't want to talk to anyone that much. It would be seriously intrusive. What on earth are they talking about? How old are the children?

Contact the NationalDebtline regarding the legal costs. They may be able to help you lower the repayments or there may be other options regarding that.

I'm surprised that you weren't entitled to Legal Aid OP since it was a domestic abuse case.

There are options if you can't afford representation. Check out Lawworks for more info.

Cut the communication down to an hour a day which is a reasonable amount of time. You are in charge of this and need to start putting your foot down. I know it's hard but he's walking all over you. You could contact Gingerbread for more advice on this.

Don't speak to him on Skype. Refuse all communication with him. Contact 101 and speak to them directly with the court docs in hand and they will guide you on what to do.

If he starts talking about you or asking to speak to you, cut the call. Refuse to communicate with him and send him an email telling him that if he does that again, he won't be able to communicate with his children at all.

It sounds as though you were assigned an IDVA. You can find your local domestic abuse organisation here. DV organisations have access to lots of helpful resources such as free legal clinics, counselling, group therapy, the Freedom Programme, etc Contact yours and find out what's available as it sounds as though you need support.