How much time should you spend/want to spend with your partner a week?

[Confusedbrain]

Me and my boyfriend have been together 18 months (i'm 27 and he's 31) and we do not live together. Have no children together or children from any past relationships.
I am so happy when with him and we always have a laugh together. I want to spend as much time with him as possible during the week and on a weekend whilst not living completely in each others pockets. I have given up a lot of my social activities so we can spend time together but still do see my friends as and when, the problem is how much time are you generally expected to see your significant other in the evenings and weekend?

I feel my boyfriend does too many social activities that we don't get enough quality time to spend together. His schedule is usually
Monday night - football training
Tuesday night - free
Wednesday night - pub quiz and meal out with work
Thursday - summer months cricket training, winter free (only night I am busy)
Friday night - usually free
Saturday - watching football at home or away games and in summer out all day playing cricket
Sunday - cricket training on a morning during winter training (about 3 month of the year)

There are also mid-week games of football during the season that he watches which fall on a Tuesday or Wednesday. As well as playing cricket he is team captain, is on the local club committee and the district club committee which involves regular meetings once a month on a Tuesday or Wednesday, lots of phone calls/messages during the week in the summer months trying to get teams together, 2 weekends in the summer he has to play cricket all day on the Saturday and the Sunday meaning I don't see him at all those weekends, 4 Sundays in the summer he has to help run car boots at the club, bonfire prep at the club and general stuff etc. He likes to go on 2 long weekends away a year with friends to watch foreign football teams and we are not allowed to go on holiday as a couple during the summer season as he can not miss a single cricket match. I am always making excuses at family/friend events and bbqs etc in the summer as he can't go due to cricket commitments.

I am only busy on a Thursday night when I volunteer but since meeting my boyfriend have stopped going out on a Friday and Saturday night every week (still have an occasional night out) and have stopped my Sunday morning activity which use to last until about 1pm. This is the compromise I have made so we can spend time together. He has compromised too as use to watch all football matches from the Prem league and championship on tv on a night and doesn't watch the rugby as much but he doesn't think he does too much. All my friends agree that he does do a lot of social activities compared to other men/boyfriends and husbands they know.
He does do some lovely things and plans great over night stays for when we are off work together and he is perfect, I just would like to see him more.

AIBU to think he does too much? I would never tell him to stop any of these activities just as he hasn't with mine but I chose to quit them because i wanted to spend time with him. I would like him to offer to give something up because he wants to not because i have made him otherwise he will just resent me and i know that, but i am starting to resent the sport/socials/his friends for taking his time away from me. Surely as you get further into a relationship you should want to spend more time with them and then progress further to thinking about moving in etc. When first dating meeting up once a week is fine but not a year and a half into what you both class as a serious relationship that you both see a future in? Or just my tips to deal with it?

I wouldn't be happy meeting up once a week. But I also wouldn't be happy giving up my hobbies for someone else as you have done.

It's a tricky one and there isn't going to be a right answer. If you're unhappy, it might be time to move on.

It's up to him how much he does, but it would not suit me in a partner.

My dp's son is a lot like that and we observe and wait for his relationship to fail due to it.

Dp gave up golf on Saturdays, to much mocking from his mates, so he could see me more often (I work, he is retired). He also only goes to home games (which are 200 miles away) and not away games (which are nearer) and doesn't watch football on TV for partly the same reason. He makes these choices all the time and he chooses to put me first.

I do the same.
It is a balance but it sounds like your bf has no sense of balance.

I'd be moving on I'm afraid.

I am always making excuses at family/friend events and bbqs etc in the summer as he can't go due to cricket commitments.

Not sure how I feel about this, you’ve only been together 1.5 years and you don’t live together, so surely no one expects you to attend BBQs as a “unit” together? I think it’s completely fine for you to socialise separately at this stage in your relationship so you shouldn’t feel like you have to make excuses for his non attendance.

There's no "should" about it.
Although, I thought it odd at the start of your OP when you said I have given up a lot of my social activities so we can spend time together.

Pre-children I would be doing something most nights too, so I like the sound of your dp. Now our dc are grown, dh and I are both doing something most of the nights. We enjoy our hobbies / volunteering, and get a lot out of it. Personally I don't understand how people can just go to work and come home and do nothing else, but, I understand we are all different.

I’ve been with my boyfriend a similar time but we’re older and both have teenage children. We see each other once or twice a week, that might include a big chunk of a weekend or it might just be an evening or two.
We have childcare commitments but we had both re-established our social lives after divorce, before meeting. I don’t want to lose my friends and support and I wouldn’t want him to either. I realise that I had drifted from friends during my marriage and whilst the kids were young.
I think it’s a fine line, yes you should commit to spending time together if you’re serious about your relationship but I think it’s important to not lose your individual identities, hobbies and friendships too.

He sounds boring af. Have you had a holiday with him or weekend away just you two?

@mnthrowaway202020 not necessarily just social meet ups but things like my niece and nephews birthday parties that we get invited to as a couple and christenings of friends children. When we get invited to events like that as a couple I feel a bit awkward making excuses because he puts sport first. I wouldn’t mind if it was just a friends catch up.

@RantyAnty ha your comment made me laugh. Yeah we have been on 1 holiday abroad although had to be a sun - fri so he wouldn’t miss cricket. Lovely holiday nonetheless. He does make the effort to plan several weekends away a year but often these are mid week during half terms as I work in an educational setting. Means he doesn’t have to miss much Saturday football or any cricket.

Cricket is one of the most all consuming hobbies in terms of time because of how many hours it is. One night a week isn't enough for me but then I think this is how it is for cricket widows!

My DH works away all week, every week, so we only have weekends together with the children.
Every Saturday he is out playing his sport which he has done for years and years.
So effectively we as a family one have 1.5 days together a week.
Whilst not ideal, it is what it is. Just because he works away, I would never stop him doing his favourite hobby. We make the most of the evenings and Sundays together.
I know that really would’ve work for everybody whatsoever, but suits us as a family and we just get on with it.
I do think if he was home every evening, he would probably getting under my feet now 😂😂.
So your situation sounds fine to me. He has his hobbies etc and you decided to give up yours, if you’re not happy you need to say something and decide where to go from here.

Would he even want to go to niece and nephew parties and christenings?

Well he has the perfect life doesn’t he ?

People vary so much in how much time they want to spend on hobbies - and everything else, including relationships. He's not at fault and not are you. If it matters this much you may not be compatible.

His stage in life is the time to get seriously involved in something as time consuming as cricket. When and if he becomes a dad if he wants to be a good one he'll have to rein it right back, so it seems really unfair to try to clip his wings now.

But like I said, people vary so much. My aunt was married to a sailor and would go for months without seeing him. It was like being a lone parent. I couldn't bear that. Whereas DH was a SAHP and I worked from home, so we were together 24/7. We loved it but a lot of people would find it claustrophobic.

I think you need to get another boyfriend.

How much are you prepared to compromise to make this relationship work? Because it seems he is not really willing to give up very much. I would work that out and then determine if I wanted to invest any more time into this one. As it seems after 18 months you rank below cricket, pub quiz, football, bonfires, boot fairs and long weekends with friends. Whereas he ranks above your Sunday activity, nights out on Fridays and Saturdays and your like of week long holidays. A relationship takes compromise but will only work longterm if the compromise is equal and both partners are equally committed to making it work

A day and night at the weekend and once in the week, occasionally twice.

I have hobbies, friends and work and family commitments that mean any more wouldn't be possible.

I wouldnt give up my hobbies for anyone.

I think this is very much a personal question about what you want. My ex and I lived in different cities, hours apart, for 10 years. I always quite liked it, and while it was a factor in our breakup it wasn't necessarily the distance itself that caused it, but how we were dealing with it. I now live on my own, have a really full and busy life that I have no desire to fill with a partner. I can't actually ever imagine living with someone ever again.

I am seeing someone, who feels the same way. we see each other once a week roughly, sometimes for just an evening (like this weekend) and sometimes for longer chunks of time. the balance works for both of us, but i know for others it just wouldn't be enough.

It's up to you, OP, and what you want out of your relationship. You can only tell your partner how you feel, and what's working and what's not working for you. If he doesn't feel the same, then maybe it's time to reassess your relationship.

I think you need to get another boyfriend.

Yeah, if you get one who is free when the current one is busy, I doubt he'll even notice!