I have a grown up child, I was a single parent to her since she was 18 months old. Her dad was psychologically abusive and his crap saw me admitted to psychiatric hospital for several months.
The relationship of my daughter and I was always very very close. She has a long term health condition that made us close but at the same time I acknowledge blurred the lines between mum and carer but her condition was complex and I stand by it.
It wasn't always easy but she never went without. I worked. I paid for tutors when she was out of school due to ill health and the school sent home work for her.
We saved hard and went on holidays and days out. I'm by no means a perfect parent. But I thought I did well enough.
When she was growing up her dad used to tell her how toxic I was, how I neglected her (never once) and that I had mental health issues, I agree that I had depression...but we had fun, I never talked crap about him
But when she got to 14 life went tits up.
She stopped listening to me, I'd have to track her down at her friend's. She'd bunk school so I brought her back. She got barred from prom due to behaviour....
She moved out just before her 16th birthday into a youth hostel type accommodation with support workers and staffing... Lots of her mates were doing the same. And I cried a lot. I tried to have her back home but she wouldn't talk to me and I tried for 18 months.
She never came home.
For the past few years contact has been very limited. She's never invited me to her house, she sees me or tolerates me a couple of times a year. Its awful.
I don't really know what I'm asking. Because I don't think I can fix it. I have tried. She came down in October and told me she would come for Christmas. We planned our menu, trips out around my work... She has a little brother who was so excited to see her and was crush when she never appeared. This happens regularly. She will phone when she needs me to advocate for her with medical staff and then I get blanked. I expect to see her for her birthday when she will pick up her Christmas presents..
How to I fix it. What do I do. She's early 20s and I see the contempt she has for me when she talks to me.
She has a fiance, isn't working due to her long term condition, I have previously sent food parcels and gifts but I have stopped now. She just doesn't like me.