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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving EA partner

1 reply

Wubbawubba · 07/02/2020 16:53

Partner has been emotionally abusive most of our relationship, I fell pregnant just a few months in (save the judgement), now have the most wonderful baby girl. He doesn't see the error of his ways, blames me for everything, extremely possessive, has cut me off from most of my friends, constantly punishes me for mistakes I made years ago, very unsupportive during pregnancy, has pressured me for sex since 1 week after traumatic birth resulting in EMCS, you get the gist. He's generally an alright dad - has two kids from previous relationship - but is easily frustrated with baby when she's grizzly. He has laughed to me previously about a time when his other daughter was very young and wouldn't settle at night that he was winding her and "patted her too hard and really hurt her" - told me he felt terrible, but still awful? I don't trust him alone with my daughter.

A huge row has finally given me the strength to leave, I think. But I'm so lost. What do I do now? I'm on maternity leave - being paid maternity allowance (employed but had severe sickness all pregnancy plus stress of his jealousy iver me working with men resulting in me being off work for most of the pregnancy), we are both on the tenancy of a privately rented 2 bedroom flat. Am I entitled to receive help whilst I'm on maternity allowance? Will one of us have priority to stay in the property or will we have to agree on it (he would never agree to leave and has taken delight In telling me during arguments that if I leave him I'll have to leave the flat because I won't be able to pay the rent)? I don't trust him with DD alone at all, but there is no previous of physical violence from him besides once smacking my phone out of my hand. Comments he's made and what he said about his older DD concern me greatly. How will contact work? He can't afford to take me to court. Can I be legally ordered to allow him overnights? She's EBF. Will I be able to hold off overnights until she's a year?

Really looking for a hand hold as much as anything. I feel like I've failed my daughter miserably. I know I'm lucky in the grand scheme of things, but right now it feels like the world is crumbling beneath my feet. Sad

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2020 17:23

Your first call should be to Shelter.
Your second to Womens Aid.
Then call Rights of Women.
Not sure when their lines are open but you will need to talk to CAB as well.
I would also report him to social services.
Get them behind you as well.

Can you reach out to family and friends at all?
They will want to hear from you and help you if they can so don't be afraid to make calls.
If you feel in danger then call 999.
For now, I'd also call 101 and report all of the abuse.
Get it on record now. Don't delay in that!

I'm sorry you are going through this.
You've realised you now need to protect yourself and your DC.
SO reach out to all the organisations you can and also some real life support.
Get away safely!!!!

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