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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Workmate isn't getting any.. I've become agony aunt

9 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 07/02/2020 13:50

Hi everyone

I have a close work friend who was married for over 30 years when, unfortunately, her Husband suddenly passed away. Six months after he passed she started seeing an old friend, but old friend was in a relationship at that time. So their liason consisted of a quick bonk here and there when his girlfriend was out of the way. I personally think he preyed on my friend when she was extremely vulnerable and grief stricken.

Fast forward a few years. He has ended his relationship and is now exclusively seeing my friend. The problem is, they haven't had sex for over 12 months and this is currently all my friend talks about.. But she won't confront him about it because she's scared that he will end the relationship. I have told her until I'm blue in the face that she needs to talk to him about it, but she just won't. I know she's upset about it, she's cried many times on my shoulder.

My feelings are that perhaps this guy gets off on the chase or the naughtiness of an affair, and now that he no longer needs to chase my friend, the sexual thrill for him has gone. They see each other a few times a week, she cooks for him and they go out at the weekend for a meal or whatever. they live seperately and are both in their 50's.

Can any of you shed any new light on this situation, or advise me on how I can advise her? She's a nice person and I don't like to see her so down and upset.

OP posts:
noego · 07/02/2020 14:00

Tell her to get a lover that can satisfy her. Her MH and emotional well being are being compromised and that isn't good for her in the long run. It will manifest in self esteem and self confidence issues.
It is already...............................

ravenmum · 07/02/2020 14:03

Tell her to go on Mumsnet!

Menora · 07/02/2020 15:23

It could be time for 2 things:

Detach from the conversation and change the subject
Or
Be brutally honest that she is wasting her life away on something that isn’t making her happy!

75Renarde · 07/02/2020 15:47

Need more info. So I'm not going to say what I think.

But on what you have just said, you hit the nail on the head. He is exploiting a vulnerable woman.

Do you know what her deceased DH was like? How does she speak of him?

75Renarde · 07/02/2020 15:49

Oh and how old is she and her DP?

DollyDaydream70 · 07/02/2020 17:05

@75Renarde My friend's Husband was a lovely man and held her on a pedestal, she had a very happy marriage. Her Husband was a very healthy, sporty man. He dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 56, it was a massive shock to her and her family.

She is 58, her current partner is 54. I have read that men in their late 40's and early 50's can suffer from a loss of libido. I don't know if this is the case here though, as he was happy to be 'at it' all the time when their relationship was clandestine!

OP posts:
75Renarde · 07/02/2020 17:15

I think you will probably find that the blue pill is Gid here. Plus the NRE would've tipped it.

56 is very very young. Poor woman.

75Renarde · 07/02/2020 17:15

God!

MashedSpud · 07/02/2020 17:20

He’s probably putting it about again seeing as that’s how he met her.

What goes around comes around I guess.

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