Ex coming today to get stuff

[sweets4u]

Any tips ?
He has some odd bits here and I didn't want him to take them all as he was shouting in my flat the other night when I asked him to leave if he carries on - he woke my lo up.
I'm so angry at him waking her up !
I stupidly took him back and now back to square one.
Take it someone with poor money making decisions, debt up to their eyeballs, who gets angry at me, people don't change, no???x
Been in this web for years
Broken promises, and yes my fault for taking him back. Enoughs enough

On tender hooks here waiting for him

Get them all together in a box or bag, look out for him arriving, out then out the front door. Text him and say if there’s anything I’ve forgotten, let me know. Don’t answer the door, don’t engage in drama. Ignore any other dialogue. Simple.

Put them

Put them all in one place ideally in a box / suitcase that you don't need back (it's worth the cost of that) and say everything is here in one place, I don't want you to come in because it will disturb me and little one. Be firm. In, out, done.

I agree with previous posters. Box up everything that’s his and leave it by the front door.

Is it appropriate for him to see DD? If yes say he can have x minutes, then needs to leave. Be specific. Keep things civil, but don’t engage or agree to anything. Say in future arrangements will need to be via text or email. That way you have time to think and not get railroaded into things.

If you can ask a friend round that might work better for you if you are worried about him?

Is there any chance someone else could be there with you OP? Well done for getting rid off him. Do you have any support?

Is he her dad? If not, as others said, box full of stuff. When he turns up hand it to him and shut the door.

How much stuff does he have? Could you box/bag it up and leave it outside the front door? Drop it off at his place?

Update - he has a few more things that I thought after taking all your advice and boxing it all up. It's all ready at the door

The thing is we made so arrangements on time he just knows I'm home Fridays as I work from home.

Lo is at school. He isn't her father, she sees her dad every other weekend and is amicable. But they were fond of each other. So I'm happy to stay amicable and not leave on bad terms

He's stropping with me at the moment and won't talk to me which is rather ridiculous under the circs
Not sure how to link my last post for the reasons I've ended it

X

I've just searches your last post and he sounds like an immature idiot. I would text him and say if he hasn't collected by school run time you'll leave the box outside because you don't want LO getting upset.

It's a shame for the child but I wouldn't bother keeping in touch. And don't take him back again!

Can you leave it on the front door so you don’t actually have to talk to him?

Well done OP I think that's ideal.

There is no reason at all for him to come inside, try to stand firm and if you feel like you'll struggle to do so then say you now can't do today, organise another day and make sure someone is with you that day.

Not necessarily because he might kick off and be violent or anything but because he'll then probably be too embarrassed to make it any more difficult than it needs to be and you also have the back up of someone else saying to him he needs to go.

Good luck

Well I leave at 2:30 so I just feel if I text him he will like that - I think I'll just leave it and if he does happen to show then I won't answer the door. I live in a block of flats with a safe intercom and the main door is locked. He has to be buzzed in. I doubt very much he will turn up when lo is here - he's never done that. He always texts or calls. Last time we split I blocked him but he kept making up different email addresses to contact meZ
He begged me back and I only agreed if we went to counselling which didn't bloody work for him.
thing is she's away the weekend until Sunday which again he knows so he may turn up? I won't answer the door If he does message me then I'll arrange a time for him to collect and make sure I leave it all in the foyer.
It's just best that way.
He's has done this before ' it's very much over, wants all his stuff ' then will want to talk. Well this time I will send him on his way and tell him to go get help for his gambling and I kno he won't like that as he says he doesn't have a gambling problem

Going to do my best and move on from him once and for all

Been getting my ducks in a row today
Changing my email Facebook passwords as we share a laptop. Cancelling tickets and things we have planned so I can get my money back and just basically clearing him out.

We had two holidays booked this year and luckily lo didn't know as was surprising her
One was a summer holiday and one was Lapland ! So I will make it my mission to save so just me and lo can go away somewhere

He's let me down massive

And no I shall not be taking him back

X

Morning everyone

Another day. Going to have a day not to cry
For 2 reasons

1/ I don't want him having this power over me

2/ my eyes are so sore ! And I'm out on a shopping day all day tomorrow with my mum and want to have a nice day and forget.

So nothing from him so I've decided to email him I've said
Things are in the cupboard for collecting Sunday

And that's it...I figured email as I find WhatsApp too intrusive with the last seems and I don't wanna take it off as like using that for friends, mum etc and I don't wanna get into text war
Find email better way to communicate

At some point I need to discuss the holidays but not a conversation for now

Sunday I'm out all day and I'm home all day today so it stops any intention of him coming to my flat today

Feeling ok, more head strong than anything, going versions of events he really has been quite horrible to me.

I spent some of the evening watching Stephanie Lyns a recommendation from a poster here and OMG not only was it helpful but so much of it related to my relationship so going to make a coffee and have a better day today

Xx

You can do this.

Woohoo.

You are taking control and you are rocking it.

He rang me - asking to speak to lo
Said she's at her dads and he had ' forgot'
Told him we are done and although got into a bit of an argument I told him if he hangs up / agrees / doesn't agree I really don't care, but kind of felt I needed to talk to him for my own closure - said after this call I will not be speaking to him or engaging with him and anything he wants to say to me he can say now. He insisted on saying he is coming over today to get his stuff, I said it's not a good idea to see each other and I don't want to see him and that tomorrow I'm not here and we won't have to see each other which I thinks for the best. He said 3-4 more times that he needs his things today as he's not around tomorrow so we left it at 3pm today I will go out so he can get his things which are in the cupboard.
Theres really nothing more to say to each other imo. It's crystal clear. So unless he turns on the sorry I want you back then then there's no reason to hear from him again

I'm clear that this is the right decision although I'm very sad and upset but I know it's not my doing, it's his.
I didn't go into the bad money making decisions- just didn't see any point

Where is the cupboard? It is in the foyer of the building or in your flat? Do not give him access to your flat when you're not there. If he had a key for your flat door you need to change the lock.

Cupboard? I thought you were leaving them on the landing?
When he buzzes push the stuff outside then let him in the front door and lock your door.
And don't let him in. It won't help you at all.

So I live in a top floor flat so I was planning leaving it on the landing as no one else comes up here apart from 2 more neighbours so it's not in a walk way. I was but after speaking I said I would put them in the cupboard where is an electricity cupboard with the metres and plug sockets etc it's where people can leave stuff such as their wellie boots, some people put their outdoor jackets in there. It's big, we all use it. But requires no key. So just as good as the landing

Just re read, no sorry the cupboard is outside where the main entrance is! Not in my flat, no way am I letting in my flat with or without me here
And no he has no key x
He was saying he will be quick, no arguing and he will just go but even if he did which I doubt he will I don't want to see him
Don't need to, it's all downstairs for him now x

@FraglesRock I won't be here. I've arranged 3pm and I will be out much before that. And I'll be out a good couple of hours
It will take him minutes to collect his stuff x

How will he get in? You said he has to be buzzed in. If you're out how will he get into the building?

The cupboards not in where my flat intercom is, it's with the post boxes for all the flats with the electrical room, so there's a trade button for that, it's very secure which is why I like living here, especially being top floor so least I feel safe
He wouldn't just turn up anyway he's never done that x

Well done

That sounds good so. Hope he follows through and collects it. I'd be inclined to block him now.