I posted on here before Christmas, my husband upped and left and I had suspicions he was cheating. So did most of you! We were all right of course 
The only thing is, all the time he was ‘single’ and seeing another woman, I pursued him and done everything I could to win him back. At the time he wasn’t honest about his relationship with this other woman and although I had gut feelings I couldn’t prove much. So I promised I could forgive him and move on.
Only since he has been home I have been secretly checking his devices and doing detective work and found out it started before he said, and messages to friends that show he was happy and bragging.
Now I am struggling more than ever. I confronted him, he is devastated- worse than he has been throughout. He says because he lied to protect me, I think he thought he could have best of both worlds and also he wanted to ‘blame’ me for his behaviour and manipulate me into being ‘good’ if he come home.
He is acting like a desperate man, and I love him and can’t imagine a life without him in it. But I can’t get the images out of my head, I can’t forgive the lies, how he was happy to manipulate me into thinking what he wanted. I said at the time it was like he was a different man- now I know he was even more different than I thought! Worse even.
But now he is different again- and I don’t think I can hurt my children with him leaving again.
I can’t think straight, can’t make a decision. I want us to work. I want to get over what has happened. I don’t know if I can or if it is possible. Has anyone any experience of this? I need some good advice x