Relationship advice

[T233]

Hi all hope someone can help me with things if possible my wife has since the start of January said she wants us not to be together anymore we have been together for 15 years and married for just over 3 years we have a 7 year old and we also lost a child in 2014 for as long as I can remember we have been great or so I thought in the start of the relationship we were both abit silly but since we had our little girl and maybe longer we have been great as I say or so I thought we even had a great xmas/ new year etc then come January she said she didn't want to be together and that she didn't love me anymore and that she thinks she has been feeling this way for a few years to which I was obviously shocked and got defensive untill I sat down and realized that maybe I had not put the extra effort in that I could have with us going out for a meal/ cinema etc when we could and I put this forward to her to which she didn't really say much but said we could see how things go so I thought great let's do that now I know the things I should have done but it just keeps going backwards at any point she is not happy for instance we have spoken a lot in the last couple of weeks and I have said please don't not speak u can speak to me at any point with any problems and she said she would but she hasn't I have also tried asking multiple times from her side is there something more I should know of and she has said no that if there was another person she would tell me which I have taken her word on that but since this has all come out she has changed her phone passcode and changed her social media so I can't see when she is on there I have never had a problem with trust but it just seems strange and also she is always on the phone messaging where as before she was hardly on it we also have a home security camera that in recent weeks she has been unplugging when she is at home I did on 1 occasion when this all came out look on it to see how she was because she didn't reply to a txt and I thought she might be upset etc and heard a conversation between my wife and her mum but cut it off and rang her to ask about things friends and family have said the things she is doing look guilty but I have tried to look over that and to think that maybe she might be talking to a friend about things etc and also because she said she would tell me if there was anyone else but things just seem to get worse and worse any ideas ?

She's already told you that she wants to end the relationship. She's checked out. She doesn't want to be with you anymore.

You can't make someone stay and a one sided relationship just won't work.

There may be someone else on the horizon, but she also might just be pushing away from you and putting as much distance between you as she can whilst still living under the same roof.

Let her go.

Sorry you are suffering. Key in any relationship is communication. From what you have said this has come out of the blue and there has been no chance to try and resolve any problems. It does sound like she has made up her mind and decided it's over. Whether she has someone else or not, as parents your daughter now takes priority. Very best of luck

I think there's someone else, tbh. And I agree with @3rdchristmaslucky that it's probably time to let her go.

Yh I agree she has but she has also said multiple times that we would work together to see if we can get the love etc back on her side and that from me I wouldn't push anything with sex/hugging/kissing etc untill she was ready like just the last week has been nice we went out on Friday for a meal and went to see a film which she even said the next day it was all really nice and I replied that I thought the same and also she has twice in the last month come on to me and we have had sex because we have been sleeping in the same bed but a couple of days ago I came on to her when she was asleep and she told me no which I left it at that she has said that she doesn't like me doing that when she is asleep or if she has had a drink so the next day she was ok all day and then when I finished work she said she wasn't very happy about me trying to have sex and called it sexual assault which shocked me because I have never intended to make her feel that way and again she said she didn't want us to be together

When push comes to shove this is what I have said that I can understand if she had said maybe a year ago about the problems and I had been given the chance to sort things from my side to improve as a person then fair enough but I have basically been given a week or so I have even said that when we spoke that there is no hurry with anything that it's on her terms and if things improved then fantastic but I also am open to the idea that she may not love me again but at that point like I say I will have been given the chance

I did on 1 occasion when this all came out look on it to see how she was because she didn't reply to a txt

Your wife didn't reply to a text message so you checked your home security to see what she was up to?

heard a conversation between my wife and her mum but cut it off and rang her to ask about things friends and family have said

So you confronted her about a discussion with her mum that you monitored, recorded or overheard?

Sorry OP I am finding your post difficult to follow but if I am understanding this correctly I think it may be too far gone to recover, she has called it a day and told you she no longer wants to be with you, after so long together it must be confusing emotionally and difficult to untangle your lives, I think you need space from each other and to discuss living apart and co-parenting peacefully.

Yes I totally understand what decision she has come to as I have said to her multiple times but as I have said I just would like the chance for however long to see if this can work and hopefully get back to a point where we are in love and maybe better than before but I am under no illusion that it may not get back to that I have also asked lots of times where this has come from and she has said she doesn't know