Hi,
I want to ask for advice on how to mend my relationship with my 2 siblings. One of my parents used me to undermine my sibling throughout our childhood. Rather abusively.
I never liked it as a child but obviously wasn’t aware of how to handle it. But it doesn’t help that as a child I had a significant close relationship with said parent and constantly was guilt tripped to pressure my subbing to be the better child.
I only recently realised that I was being used and manipulated. And it occurred to me while my sibling no matter how much I tried to overcompensate and be kind to them, just feel toxically competitive around me. I used to assume I’m the better one becshse I actuallt support them to become the best they can be but turns out it’s only because I have no insecurities around my sibling as I’m used to outshining them.... while they feel like my presence and accomplishment take away from them- understandably.
I think we both want a good relationship with each other but it’s hard with our backgrounds.
Does anyone have such experience and how did you handle it?
It does hurt... even though I somehow acquired it.. but it hurts terribly and feels lonely to know that your siblings don’t feel happy for your accomplishments and in fact feel happier when they see you struggle.. because it’s better for their self esteem or something..
I have never wished harm on my siblings and always put them first but it seems I was being used and I didn’t really see what was happening for what it was.. I was a people pleaser to that parent and just never questioned my loyalty to them.