Would you ask what we are or is it too soon?

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Been dating now for 2-3 months. We are both proactive with arranging dates, see each other regularly. I’m 35 and want to settle down...for context I’ve been dating years and so I’m confident from my perspective that I want to give this a proper go...by that I mean I’ve dated enough to know he’s what I was looking for!

He’s said he missed me (once), he’s always asking me to stay over, seems to indicate he wants to progress things with little jokes about going on a holiday one day etc. Almost certain he’s not seeing anyone else. But he doesn’t speak to me everyday (almost everyday) and hasn’t asked or talked about what we are. I don’t want to waste my time or get in deeper if he’s not in the same page but also don’t want to scare him off if he’s just more relaxed than me about this stuff. He did say recently he’s ready to settle down.

Would you raise it or leave it for now?

If it's right the conversation will naturally come up soon. After 6 weeks we knew we want to be together (will take around 6 months for it to happen). But he does daily tell me he's missing me, can't wait to see me etc. (We live over 100 miles apart)

I think you're over complicating things. Just tell him you want to be exclusive and ask if he agrees.

Absolutely ask him! Have the ‘exclusivity’ chat for sure.

I probably would ask but then I’m known to be very intense!! It worked for me with then oh now Dh tho

I may be wrong but I get a sense that there's no real emotional connection between the two of you. Maybe you are still guarding your heart because you fear getting hurt. But what about him? Do you get a real sense that you are more to him than someone to date and have a good time (+ sex) with?

I might start off by asking him "are we exclusive", and "how do you feel about us". And see where this leads you. Making it clear that you want the relationship to go somewhere, without seeming overinvested or needy

What he thinks is really irrelevant. This is your life. After 2-3 months do you want to be with someone who is chasing, dating and having sex with other people? For me personally that would be a no. I would explain that to him. Giving him the opportunity to be truthful and to exit and be on his way.

But neither of you can give each other any guarantees or commitments for the future at this stage. You are still getting to know each other. At about 6-12 months you can shift into being a couple mode. And again you need to be clear what you mean by that and tell him. For example if you expect him to be planning his main holiday with you, discussing life changing events, committing his time to be with you, be a plus one for events and so on.

Frankly you are sounding a little needy and if I was a relation of someone dating you I’d tell them to walk away.

Jeez. Why is she needy? She's been seeing someone nearly three months, she likes him, she wants the relationship to have legs. She doesn't know where she stands.

That's not a nice feeling. It causes anxiety. It's absolutely fine to want to know if someone is as emotionally invested as you are and endless 'playing it cool' is just dishonest and a recipe for endless misery.

Men know right away.

Then they work to prove their love to you.

Ranty but what's 'right away'? for some it's a couple of month, for others a few weeks, we ar not talking about simple lust here, men need to know someone a little to feel emotions, some are faster at this than others!
OP, he's definitely mking all te right comments, I think if he already said he would move at your pace, then he'd only be pleased if you raise the exclusivity question, I'm sure he's keen and wants a family as he said. I'd only caution from the point of view that he develops feelings for YOU rather than wants to rush in with anyone more or less suitable to havethat family with.

Men know right away
Nonsense. They're no more psychic than women. They might know a "no" right away but they can no more predict it than anyone else. We all need to get to know someone before deciding if it's going to work unless we're talking about just sex

I know everyone moves at a different pace but in my experience, the only long term fulfilling relationships I have had were exclusive after two weeks never mind two months. This includes my DH who met online, he asked me to be his girlfriend after three dates.

I know dating has changed but there is no way I would have got into bed with someone I was dating without being fucking clear it was exclusive. I wouldn't expect to have to ask and I I did , I wouldn't be seeing him.

God I'm glad I'm boring and married

Id bite the bullet and ask. If he sees it going nowhere after a couple of months then it's either a friendship or a sex thing. If that's not enough for you then you absolutely need to find out so you know. If you are falling for him and then you find out in another six weeks he wasn't that serious you will be even more heartbroken.

Id keep it light and say. Wow two- three months since we first met. Do you think we will still be doing this in another 3. With my partner we never discussed what we were. We just carried on and carried on lol. It's been 8 years x

The last guy i dated i bought up the subject about 3 months in and he said we should just go with the flow. We continued to meet up every week and text everyday. I bought it up again at about the 6-7 month mark. He said he wasnt sure about committing as he could potentially be leaving the country in 6-8 months (he was only here to study). I kinda friendzoned myself at this point and said we could be friends. I guess i felt like i could be pressuring him and didnt want to scare him off. However things continued exactly the same. He ended up staying but then i realised he was talking to other females. I couldnt really say anything though as we werent official or anything. It felt like we were in between a friendship and relationship which was very difficult for me as i really liked him but i knew i could be setting myself up for heartbreak.

Things broke down around the 15 months mark where i started to feel anxious and was overthinking..which came across when we spoke I guess.

I would have a talk early on about what each person is looking for..if on the same page then by 6 months try to figure out if its going anywhere by asking the question.

I think it's different for everyone and you can have the chat when/if you feel it's right. My relationship with DP evolved naturally to the point where we were spending every weekend together and talking every day in between. Neither of us ever felt the need to question what we were, we just were IYSWIM. About five months in, a friend drunkenly asked him if he was my boyfriend and he laughed and said of course! Never looked back! Just do what feels right for you.

2-3 months isn't very long at all. I think, from your own point of view, you need to slow down. It wouldn't matter if he said " yes we're a couple" or "we're exclusive", everything could change tomorrow. I've been with my dp for 18 years, live together happily, but we haven't ever had that conversation.

I think 3 months is a perfectly normal time to have a conversation about what your relationship is and what the boundaries are. When he said that he is hoping to meet someone to settle down with, I don’t understand how the conversation didn’t flow from there really (not a forever commitment but at least a commitment to continue to explore your relationship monogamously etc). Also if that is what he wants then I would assume he would not still be with you if he did not see that possibility with you.

You should talk to him.