I feel very uncomfortable when people say my boyfriend is "punching"

[duckingterrified]

So, this tends to happen to me now and again, where people will say my boyfriend is "punching above his weight" by being with me. I think it's supposed to make me feel flattered but it actually really depresses me. My boyfriend doesn't even care and he even jokes about it himself how I'm out of his league, but it's not funny to me. Whenever someone says that it makes me feel like they're saying we look wrong together. It's even worse when new people say it, because they barely know us and it's like they can see we're not a good match right away.

I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I really want people to like us as a couple and say we look good together. I think it's because an "ex" friend of mine was horrible to me as soon as I got with him, saying I was stringing him along and that we were incompatible and ever since then I feel like I've been trying to prove myself and prove her wrong.

The truth is, we make each other happy and I don't think I'm out of his league. I don't like people saying he's uglier than me or I can do better because he's the sweetest, most caring guy ever and I don't understand why people even say that? Don't they realise it's not making anybody feel good?

Not sure who your question is to tenlittlecygnets

The OP, @rainbowlou! (But I'm glad you have got rid of your work colleagues. How rude!)

It depends very much on the context imo. I got this a lot when i got with my now DH. Most of the time I took it in the spirit it was intended. They were being complimentary to me and having a little dig at my DH as was the nature of their relationship. In most cases they followed it up with 'i'm really happy for you mate' ....he'd been single for a long time and previous girlfriends had been nightmares. Plus they always spent time telling me what a great guy he was.

The only time i got upset was when we bumped into someone on a night out ...he introduced me and they asked him how much he was paying me.

If it’s obvious you’re very good looking it means you have a large choice of men to choose from meaning he must have a lot more going for him than what meets the eye.

I think you need to take the comments as they are meant to be.. compliments to both of you.

I think you need to step back a bit.
People make these comments as jokey compliments. Its not meant as an insult to either of you and especial not you. To be fair it can be said , even when its not true.
I get it can be annoying when you keep hearing it, but I think you need to take it as your bf does, with a joke.
If you are going to get upset over this, than you are going to find yourself stressed out a lot.

Everyone adored my late husband and continually told me I was the one punching above my weight. So, you know.. things could be worse.

It's just something people say, often as a compliment/icebreaker to the woman.
Trust me, I am an average looking, short dumpy 51 year old. People say it to my other half!

Oh dear OP. This is just something folk say. Are you very insecure?

Well said WhatNowAgnes maybe you should start a thread on cringey phrases. Making memories has got to be the worst! You’d probably be flamed though

Oh and they are insulting him when they say this to you!

It’s just so rude. Unless it’s a bunch of twatty blokes in a pub I suppose. But it’s rude in general life, and I agree with Agnes, no one knows really about others relationships. Agnes says ignore them, but I’d call them out on it!

Why not use ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’ and ‘He has a huge penis.’ alternatively?

As others have said its just a phase. My DH friends say that hes punching all the time, I just laugh it off and tell him to watch himself 😂. I honestly dont believe its a serious comment and feel there may be deeper issues here.

It's a saying that's having a moment, isn't it? I never heard it until a couple of years ago and now everyone is saying it.

I think it's just something blokes say to one another as a way of complimenting their girlfriend and jokily putting down their mate, because that's what blokes like to do as a term of endearment - insult one another.

I see it commented under photos all the time on social media. It's the bloke's version of 'stunning hun' except they are saying it via the boyfriend instead of directly to the girl.

I would not take it too seriously.

To be fair it can be said , even when its not true.

Yes, absolutely.

I know a couple who people say this about (man earns well, cultured, quite handsome, woman is not very refined and not financially above average and only averagely attractive). He has crippling emotional problems and she’s had a really positive impact on his life. These kinds of comments are very shallow but most people don’t mean it seriously when they say it, if they did they’d say it behind your back instead of to your face (as they do in the example above). YANBU to dislike it regardless of how it’s meant.

Your reaction seems OTT, you're on the positive side, as if you had to hear that you were the one 'punching', how would that make you feel?
For it to be a thing to comment on I'd guess you're seen as better looking or more about you as a person. It's for you to work out why it's bothering you. Is it because you know this to be right,? If it's wrong, and you know better because of his excellent qualities, then it really should not bother you at all what's said. I can see how it might bother him, though if he's a sorted guy he'll see it as a compliment. You should see it as nothing, unless you worry that they are right and you could do better

some guy leaned out of his van window and yelled "living YOUR best life mate" at dh as we were waiting at lights

we were in my MX5 with the roof down, I was driving and looking v glam (well...it was summer and I had a frock on, knees on show!)

I have yet to let dh forget this. :o

Just let it wash over you OP

Women, generally get told this. I get told hubby is punching. My sister gets told her hubby is punching, my friends get told their husband’s are punching, he’ll, even my mum gets told that my dad is punching.

Sometimes people just think they’re being ‘charming’ to the wife or girlfriend saying this. Eye roll and bat off this cheesy saying. It’s pretty meaningless.

Hell not he’ll! FFS autocorrect!

It's something that gets thrown around a lot, I got it with my fiance, usually his colleagues or friends when I first met them, it was almost a standard comment, 'oh wow mate, you're seriously punching', before slapping his back and all laughing at the (very tired) joke!!! It's just something -awful -that a lot of people tend to say. My fiance (in my eyes) is around the same as me lookswise, it doesn't bother him when people say it, he laughs and usually makes a smart comment back then they laugh and everyone gets on with their evening. Dont overthink it. If you sit there cringing he'll think you believe he is too, just think of a witty comeback and move the conversation on

Just tell them he has a massive penis 💁🏻‍♀️

Objectively, he probably isn't.

It's something blokes habitually say when one of their mates has anyone average looking or better, I would guess - nothing to do with the woman at all, really, and everything to do with them taking the piss out of their mate for managing to find anyone at all who would give him a second glance.

So, if this isn't a massive stealth boast, you'll be relieved to hear that you're probably no better looking than he is in actual fact.

You know the more I think about this , the less I understand why ppl feel the need to take this comment so negatively.

Just let it go if you don't agree then? It's just a phrase that is thrown around, it is meaningless. How can any one person be 'better' than anyone else? Why do you care what people think unless on some level you agree? It's said a lot at weddings but I always hear it as a cliché rather than truth.