How to stay nonchalant

[Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz]

Hi everyone I’m a long time lurker on here but never actually posted before.

I’m looking for advice on a very very new, not relationship but it could head that way.

Met a lovely man via tinder and we hit it off straight away. I was completely honest about the recent breakdown of my relationship and he has confided a lot in me about his life with his children etc etc. We have basically started off being open with eachother.

We had our first date on Saturday night, out for a couple drinks and then yesterday went for a long walk and had lunch. We did have a kiss and a cuddle but didn’t go any further.

So my question is how do I just stay calm and collected. I am a complete over thinker and if I don’t receive a text from him or something for example I get worried he’s backing off. (He has always kept in contact so I don’t even know why I worry like this).

We can’t rush into anything because he has full custody of his children and I don’t want my son meeting anyone new yet so it’s quite difficult not to take it slowly anyway.

I guess I just need some advice on how to chill and go with the flow without getting all anxious and becoming needy.

You can't. You're either anxious or you're not. Pretending to be nonchalant just adds pressure. Just accept your own feelings.

Well - in an ideal world you get to the bottom of what is causing your anxiety and neediness. And deal with whatever issues you have lingering. And/or learn techniques for not acting on those feelings.
In reality - you probably don’t have time for that.
Maybe self help books?
Or just try to not overreact - start a diary - write your thoughts and fears there rather than stewing or texting him too much.
Try not to reply right away, and not to reply before he answers.
Make little rules for yourself and try sticking to them.

Hopefully - as the relationship progresses you might be able to relax

Have a look on YouTube at:
Susan Winter
Marisa Peer
Matthew Hussey

They have good relationship advice.

Also look into what attachment type you are and then when you have time, start some steps to become less anxious.

I'm in the same situation as you OP. I've come out of a long abusive marriage and have met someone decent (I hope!) He's very steady and we message once a day, speak a few times a week. I've only met him 4 times so massively early days. But I'm the same as you, I know I have the potential to be really needy and I'm trying not to show him this. But I analyse every text and conversation looking for signs he's going off me. It's stressful isn't it?

I'm another one who feels your pain OP. Wish I could offer some advice but I need it myself!

I'm dating someone I met in my gym. We're taking things very slowly (he's a pretty serious guy and not the type to rush into anything - whereas I'd quite happily rush in and regret things later lol). We've had a couple of really lovely dates. But it gets complicated as we also bump into each other in the gym and every time I see him there, I then come home and over-analyse whatever our interaction was.

It feels like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster as one day it feels really intimate with him and then the next day, I start freaking out that he's now cold with me and he's lost all interest. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm pretty sure he's not thinking any of this stuff like I am. I wish there was a way I could switch my mind off and just forget about him until we're next on a date.

Please watch all of greta bereisaite's videos on Youtube. She goes under the name of Ladies Relationship Coach, and she is wonderful. She has helped me a lot!

Thank you for the replies so far. It’s really hard because he hasn’t given me any reason to think anything bad, I just always think but what if this happens and what if that happens. I’m on a get fit and lose weight mission at the moment and he’s massaged tonight challenging me to climb a massive hill with him by the summer so he’s making plans for us in the future