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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't get over it...

3 replies

strangethoughts · 04/02/2020 23:32

It's been 6 weeks of hell.

My partner split with me because I was too depressed (I was depressed for around 2-3 months), she couldn't support me, I was not her priority and that the only thing that makes her happy is a hobby she has and that this comes before everything else in her life. Just to make it clear, this never came out in anger, this was how it had to be in our relationship. It was her way or the highway and I worked around her.

The depression came about last year when I was made redundant. On top of this a family member became very ill and I had my own health problems going on.

My ex had issues going on herself, with a family member being ill and her job being stressful.
After 2 years of being together she dumped me. She dumped me 3 times in the space of 6 weeks. She blew hot and cold.

The third time she ended it (a week ago) I'd come to accept it. I couldn't carry on. My anxiety was through the roof.

I'm a very caring person. I have been nothing but supportive of my ex over the last 2 years. More recently, after she broke up with me, I even looked after her whilst she was ill - as I was the one she wanted by her side. Dont get me wrong, I am far from perfect, I've done my fair share of stupid things.

The times that she has ended it, she has told me it's because she can't help but resent me for my depression and the fact I was made redundant. We struggled with money for a single month.
The last time she ended it a week ago she told me it was because she felt guilty and that she now felt happier not being around me.

I felt so used. Used whilst she got over me. I stupidly should have known what she was doing when the conditions of the 'break' were all on her terms. Only speak on the phone when she wants to, only talk about our issues when she wanted to, only see me when she needs me..

It's easy for people to say get over her but I am struggling, I really am. Before this happened, I felt so happy in the relationship and I worked on myself and I really tried to work on the relationship every day we were together. Suddenly im faced with someone I dont recognise. Someone cold and uncaring. Love is so blind.

Have people been through the same? How did you cope?

OP posts:
Peanut1989 · 05/02/2020 05:24

I'm sorry about the breakup but reading your post I can say you sound better off without her. It sounds like she was quite selfish and she doesn't like the fact you have been diagnosed with depression and she hasn't as she sees it as you have an actual excuse but she doesn't. My ex was similar with that. Everything had to be about him and I basically lived my life on egg shells. I didn't realise it at the time and when we broke up I thought my world was falling apart and I absolutely hated myself. It took a long time but slowly I started to see what he had really been like and what he had done to me. I know it sounds cliched but there really is a light at the end of the tunnel, once you start to see all the bad she has done rather than focusing on the good that you miss it becomes a lot easier and you can start to love yourself again.

Shev1996 · 05/02/2020 05:31

Op, this wasn’t love. You are better out of it as is she. She didn’t want to support you financially or emotionally and that is ok, no one should feel bad for this. You need help around your room own depression issues before you enter an equal relationship again. Are you having counselling?

strangethoughts · 05/02/2020 09:21

I have had had counselling in the past but I'm going to start it up again :)
I have a lot of work ahead of me!

OP posts:
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