Dealing with a partner who self-harms?

[PopKid1987]

I've been with DP for 12 years and we have a 10 year old child. Our relationship has been deteriorating over a number of years and most recently DP has started self-harming when we argue. He cuts himself and bangs his head against a wall. He also talks about how he wishes he was dead, although he says he wouldn't actually kills himself. A few days ago I told him I would leave the relationship unless he seeks help, and he has booked himself in for counselling but is angry because he's been forced into it. Was my threat the wrong thing to do? I am at the end of my tether.

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sounds like Hell on your whole family.

I think you've done the right thing, FWIW.

also self harming and threatening suicide when you're arguing is manipulative as all holy fuck, and I think you shouldn't take leaving off the table for a good long while.

How is your DC doing with all this? Make sure they're getting enough support and love, and shield them from as much of their Dad's issues as possible. Good luck mama, and big beaming hugs from me.

Thanks @Really! DS doesn't know about the self-harm as it's all when he's in bed asleep, thankfully, and DP has been careful not to show the marks. DS does know that we're arguing though, and has said he's worried that we're going to split up. I've been into school to chat with the head of year, and they are going to keep an eye on him. And I'm very much trying to keep things as normal as possible, including staying calm and positive myself. I've been a bit tearful in front of him a couple of times, though - it's tough.