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Original poster

Am I worrying over nothing???

36 replies

AYRTON31 · 04/02/2020 15:07

OK long story short, I split up from my partner of 15 years a year ago and have since met someone esle we have been together for 7 months so far, he is one of the most amazing men I've met and is so loving and kind and will do anything for me, but at the start the sex was amazing and very frequent but has now slowed down to maybe once or twice a week, also have since discovered that he watches porn and alot of it nearly every day, now this is starting to make me feel that he no longer finds me attractive or is no longer turned on by me, when we do have sex it's amazing and he's so loving and the way he looks at me says that he wants me and that he loves me, every other part of the relationship is going perfect so far so am I over thinking this???

OP posts:
Sarahpop1 · 05/02/2020 08:07

I should also mention that he is deaf, which can change the way he reads people and he lacks a bit of empathy which his dad told me, he was living with his parents

BendyLikeBeckham · 05/02/2020 08:19

Of course he moved in without actually discussing it with you. He was living with his parents. No tenancy to give up, own home to sell or rent. Just stealth intrusion into your life. And a few DIY jobs isn't going to cut it. You should have a proper conversation about splitting all the household bills. If you want him to be there 24/7 of course. If not, set some healthy boundaries.

And cut off the wifi when you aren't home. If he is going to behave like a horny little teenager, treat him like one.

tenlittlecygnets · 05/02/2020 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tenlittlecygnets · 05/02/2020 09:43

But I haven't said anything about other bills of the house, his mum told me his last girlfriend was really full on and kept pressurising him and he had to call it off, things are going well and I don't want to lose him

Of course they're going well - for him! He's moved by stealth into your house and you don't feel you can mention things like bills or money to him?? Why on earth not? Bet his parents are glad to get rid of him! Why is his mum interfering? Warning you not to be too pushy?

I should also mention that he is deaf, which can change the way he reads people

Being deaf does not necessarily mean he can't read people. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him.

You have the right to decide how this relationship is going - don't be so passive! If you're not happy with anything, speak up.

he lacks a bit of empathy which his dad told me, he was living with his parents
Being deaf has nothing to do with empathy! Is his dad warning you off him??

You should have a proper conversation about splitting all the household bills. If you want him to be there 24/7 of course. If not, set some healthy boundaries.

This!

Bananalanacake · 05/02/2020 10:14

Does he work. Could you tell him he can stay over once a week as you need your space.

Windmillwhirl · 05/02/2020 10:28

I think you are being taken for a mug. He should be kind, understanding and help around the house. My flatmates did all this and still paid me rent.

So he doesn't work? What does he do all day apart from watch porn and a bit of DIY?

I'm sorry, but he's totally using you.

Sarahpop1 · 05/02/2020 12:14

He works full time, and every other part of the relationship is brilliant,

Hopeforus13 · 05/02/2020 12:26

Hahaha at his mum saying he was pressurised by his last girlfriend so therefore you can’t ask him to pay any bills. Why should you have to ask him? I’m moved in with my now DH temporarily for a few months before I went abroad. I insisted on paying half his bills and rent. He didn’t have to ask me. I know it costs money to live somewhere so I gave him money....

You’ve been had and it sounds like you need to work on yourself as you’ve jumped straight into another long term relationship.
@AYRTON31 you said ‘things are going well I don’t want to lose him’

So your definition of things going well is sex life fizzling out less than a year in, a porn addiction and moves in with you without paying his way. Why do you have such low standards for yourself.

Sarahpop1 · 06/02/2020 09:48

OK so I have hag a really good conversation with him about everything, and he has apologised deeply for the porn and that he's gotten to used to it being single for so long and that's how he ralxes sometimes, and also he has agreed to pay money towards the house every month, only time will tell I guess but I hope its a step in the right direction. 🤷‍♀️

BendyLikeBeckham · 06/02/2020 20:27

good to hear it, OP. How are you splitting the bills.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2020 05:57

Well done on having the conversation.
I hope bills are a 50:50 split.
Yes, time will tell.
I wish you luck.

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