The scary thought..

[strangethoughts]

of Self Love.

After being in relationships for the last 7 years of my life I am now ready to find out how to begin to love myself.

I keep asking myself what has held me back from doing it sooner and I believe it's always been fear. The fear of being alone, the fear that I won't be loved or can't be loved.

It all boils down to the fact that I've never felt good enough. I've never felt good enough for my parents.

I'm 28, living at home (I've only been there a month as I have just come out of a relationship), I'm gay and I'm not the doctor/lawyer/scientist that they wanted me to be.

Only recently I've started to realise I'm good enough for my friends but I have NEVER been good enough in a relationship.

In relationships this makes me the anxious type and I always attract those avoidant / emotionally unavailable types - disaster waiting to happen, I know.

But now, after 7 years, I've come to the realisation that:

1. A relationship isn't everything
2. I need and WANT to love myself before I can truly love anyone else
3. No one can fill a void, this is something you need to work on yourself
4. I am absolutely flipping terrified to go it alone

Has anyone else had this epiphany or going through something similar? Or have you been through it?

I have started to look at self love videos and upping my self esteem. Does anyone have any books or videos that have changed their lives or helped them?

What have you done to kick start your self love?
xx

It is a letting go of mind and body memories and undoing of the programming and conditioning that society and culture have projected onto us.
Do not look outwards but within. What you are looking for is where you are looking from.
Read Eckart Tolle The power of Now as starting place.

Thanks, I've heard of the power of now so will add it to my list and begin to read tonight x

I committed to therapy properly about 12 years ago. Books only got me so far - and sometimes they were a convenient way of avoiding the full force of dealing with myself.

Ive had therapy before but it was to deal with my sexuality more than anything.
Sometimes I get very angry and frustrated at the lack of love I feel from those close to me - mainly family and partners.
I think I need to go to therapy to forgive, to understand and let go of pain.

You have been listening to the untruth about yourself and believing it. If the voice in your head is you, what is it that is listening to it?