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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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32 weeks pregnant and so down

22 replies

cucumbercookie · 04/02/2020 10:49

Long time lurker but decided to make an account just to get some advice as I've no idea what else to do.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my second child (DS is 2) and for the past 2 or so weeks I've been feeling so depressed and anxious that it's starting to become unbearable. I've mentioned it to the midwife but I don't think she's really sure what to do either, she gave me some helpline numbers like Samaritans and women's aid but I don't feel like a one off chat will do me any good.
I do have a lot going on but I've just never felt this bad before. I feel as though I'm drowning in my own sadness and I don't even know why I'm feeling sad in the first place. I feel like I'm letting DS down as we've been stuck in the house as I'm too anxious to get out and the place is so messy but I've no energy to do a big clean, I've barely got the energy to brush my hair.
I've put DS down for an early nap and I'm sat here crying wondering how I'm going to make it through the day once he wakes up. I've messaged everyone I know nearby and no one is free to meet up or come round for a chat so I'm stuck here alone.
I don't know what I'm hoping for from this post really. Did anyone else feel like this at this point in pregnancy? Is it just hormonal? Would it be worth seeing the GP or would they just tell me to speak to the midwife?

OP posts:
cucumbercookie · 04/02/2020 11:05

Bumping in hopes someone has some advice/experienceSmile

OP posts:
AlphaLemon · 04/02/2020 18:47

Hi! I have no real advice, but wanted to support and say that I’m sorry you’re feeling this way Flowers . It could very well be hormones, or it could be more.
You could definitely go and see your GP and say your midwife was not much help. Have you tried anything like pregnancy yoga? It might help to take time for yourself and meet with other women in the same situation x

DonKeyshot · 05/02/2020 06:19

Hopefully, this is just a hormonal imbalance that will pass as quickly as it began.

However, I note that your midwife gave you the number for Women's Aid. Is there anything going on in your relationship with the father(s) of your dc and dc to be that may be contributing to your depressed state of mind?

HeartZone · 05/02/2020 06:36

You say you do have a lot going on, would it help to off load here and you would maybe get appropriate advice from this discussion?

TriciaMcMillan · 05/02/2020 07:29

Please see your GP. Many women suffer from prenatal anxiety and depression. It is not 'just' hormones or something that you should deal with today together on your own.

www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/how-you-might-be-feeling/antenatal-or-prenatal-depression-signs-symptoms-and-support

There is help and you are not alone. Make an appointment today and be honest about how much you're struggling. Mental health in pregnancy is important and taken seriously. You are not alone.

TriciaMcMillan · 05/02/2020 07:32

No idea where today together came from. Hopefully you got the gist. Smile

cucumbercookie · 05/02/2020 20:47

Thank you for the replies everyone😊
No issues with the father of the baby but I was a victim of sexual abuse in childhood and the perpetrator will be going to court later in the year.
I still often see him and his family around and am truly terrified of them but I've not been offered any real support/help in regards to that sadly.
I think I might make an appointment with the mental health nurse but in the meantime it's a struggle getting through the day without just breaking down. It helps getting out and getting fresh air but the anxiety about the whole situation is just becoming unbearable. Some days I'm too on edge to walk to the corner shop.
I've also been having terrible night frights which I wake up from in a real state (struggling to breathe, pounding heart etc) so I'm not getting much sleep at all.
I've also just had a letter to say the health visitor is coming next week so need to find the energy to sort out the house sometime between now and then which currently seems like an impossible task.
Sorry for the huge offload just needed to get all that off my chest

OP posts:
DonKeyshot · 07/02/2020 05:55

Having reported historical sexual abuse when you were a child, and with the court case pending, it's no wonder you're feeling depressed and seeing your abuser and his family strolling around your town when you're out and about is bound to cause anxiety, especially as you've said you're terrified of them. No wonder you've taken to staying in and it's hard for you to walk to the corner shop some days.

Have you been in touch with Victim Supoort? They should be able to help with some of your anxiety and I suggest you also consider getting in touch with Rape Crisis.

I would caution against engaging in any counselling sessions before the court case as I'm aware that victims of sexual assault are very often told not to seek counselling until after court cases have ended and I wouldn't want anything untoward to happen to the case at this late stage.

However, you might want to seek your police liaison officer/case worker's advice on that particular aspect and it certainly won't hurt the case if you feel able to confide in your Health Visitor or offload to a listening service such as the Samaritans.

Do you have a date for the court case and will it be before or after the birth of your second child?

On a practical note, use online shopping delivered direct to your home for food and other necessities or ask your dp to shop for you. If you have a nearby park with play area for your ds perhaps you could try to use it when there are unlikely to be others around, or wait until your dp is off work so that you can go as a family.

The myriad emotions you're experiencing are normal and I doubt that there is anything wrong with your mental health that won't begin to resolve itself once the court case is over.

Please consider reporting your post and ask mumsnet to move it to the Relationships board. Although you might not consider it to be a 'Relationships' issue, there is a lot more traffic on that board and you will find many responders who will be willing to hold your hand throughout the birth of your second dc and the court case.

Some of those responders will, unfortunately, have shared your experience of childhood abuse and will understand exactly where you're coming from and the impact it's having on you now.

In addition, moving your thread from this time limited board will enable you to look back on it at some future date to see just far you've come on this difficult journey.

You've been very brave, OP, and I salute your courage Flowers

DonKeyshot · 07/02/2020 06:06

As you're in the third trimester of pregancy, there are numerous meds that can help you get a good night's sleep without night frights/nightmares. Even if you take them just a couple of times a week you'll feel more rested and more able to cope knowing that they're there when you need them.

Make an appointment with your GP or discuss this issue with your midwife.

cucumbercookie · 07/02/2020 10:47

Hi @DonKeyshot yes the date is a few months after baby is born which I guess is better than having to go through it when heavily pregnant.
I've tried speaking to the officer in charge of my case but he's very much of the mind that unless I'm physically assaulted by the man then he's not doing anything wrong, even when I reported him for seemingly following me around and lurking near my house.
I've been thinking about calling Samaritans a lot but I'm not sure what I'd say really? I think it would be a good idea to offload to someone confidentially though.
I'll report the post now, thanks for the adviceSmile

OP posts:
RivkaMumsnet · 07/02/2020 10:53

OP we will move your thread to the Relationships topic now, as requested.

DonKeyshot · 07/02/2020 11:37

If you haven't done so already, please get in touch with Victim Support and tell them of your concern that your abuser may be stalking you - and tell EVERYONE, your midwife, hv. GP, and anyone else you talk to in relation to this matter of your suspicions. Hopefully one or two of them will see fit to take issue with the officer in charge of your case.

Will you be giving evidence by video or have you asked for screens in the courtroom so that you won't have to look at your abuser?

If you call Rape Crisis they may allocate a worker to whom you can offload, but the service is overstretched and it may depend on where you live and how great the demand is in your area.

I'm glad you've had your post moved and hope other mumsnetters will join your thread soon.

cucumbercookie · 07/02/2020 13:34

@donkeyshot I've told the midwife but haven't thought to tell the HV or anyone else so I'll give that a try. I know the police are stretched but they really haven't been great in my case at all. I regret reporting everyday as I feel like he is treated better than I am.
I've applied to give evidence through video link a few months ago but not heard back about whether the request has been approved yet. I've been warned that it's not definitely going to be approved although it hopefully will be.
I'm going to call Samaritans later when I've put ds to bed and see if my mum can help me get on top of the house work before it gets out of hand. It does help a lot being able to offload though so thank youThanks

OP posts:
TrueRefuge · 07/02/2020 14:03

NAPAC may be a better source of support than Samaritans, as NAPAC is focused on CSA.

And, is there anybody in real life who you can speak to, who knows what you're dealing with and who can give you what you need right now (with this topic, it must be empathy and compassion and a gentle ear)?

I don't have anything else to say I'm sorry, but wishing you the best of luck and stay strong - it's great that you are reaching out for support, and I truly hope this person gets what they deserve. I also hope you're able to relax a little now you've offloaded, and enjoy time with your little one when he/she arrives Smile Flowers

TrueRefuge · 07/02/2020 14:04

Oh I meant to add, that is no discredit to Samaritans! They are a wonderful charity and provide an amazing service, it's just they're very general and probably not specially trained for handling this specific situation, unlike NAPAC.

DonKeyshot · 07/02/2020 14:12

Keep offloading here, OP.

The Samaritans are a listening service. Hopefully your call will taken by someone who's sympathetic to your situation, but don't expect them to be proactive on your behalf as that's not in their remit.

Have you been in touch with Victim Support? Link here: www.victimsupport.org.uk/going-court/trial
Have you been assigned a Witness Care Officer?

I'm sorry your experience with the police has been less than positive. It angers me that if seems to be luck of the draw as to how victims are treated, and it frequently seems to be the case that the rights of the accused trump those of the victim.

But no matter what the outcome, please DON'T EVER regret reporting and know that the police and CPS believe you - and believe they have a strong case against the accused - otherwise they wouldn't have charged him.

DonKeyshot · 08/02/2020 13:48

Am bumping your thread in the hope that others who have had similar experiences will give you support and encouragement, OP.

Elliesmommy · 08/02/2020 13:57

Have 3 DC. Felt very low my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies. Forget the house. Put baby in a buggy and get out to the shops. Window shop. People watch. Take your mind off. Having said that if you see your attacker and attackers family this is triggering your no wonder you feel low. Can you hop on a bus or train to see a new town or village
Hugs. I've been there. It does pass x

Helen80T · 06/09/2020 13:34

Hello. I'm so sorry to hear you suffered abuse. I havent had any traumatic experiences but the rest of your post is like a mirror image to me. How did you get through the last 8 weeks in the end? I'm only 29 weeks ans really struggling x

CassieGg · 31/10/2020 19:16

Hi I'm week 34+3 and I've been feeling so low for a week... anyone else who feel that way... is it normal or im getting depressed?
Don't want to meet with friends im not motivated to do anything at all and im not feeling exited about anythingsad

Mikeymoo12 · 31/10/2020 19:54

Hi OP I suffered from crippling anxiety during pregnancy which led to low mood in my second pregnancy. I only gave birth about 8 weeks ago. I contacted my gp in about April time and we agreed I would do a self referral to IAPT, this should be a primary care service you have in your area if you are in England. Because I was pregnant I was treated as a priority as they are quite keen to avoid PND. I certainly would recommend doing this self referral if you can. I am receiving CBT which although hard is helping me massively. Hope this helps OP

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 31/10/2020 20:15

Zombie thread.

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