I'm having a terrible morning. I've nc for this. I just can't cope with my life the way it is right now I've got myself into such a mess.
My dh has lied to me over and over again. I think he means well to pretend everything's ok but he's still making up shit. Last year we both decided we wanted to move to a different area because my family are abusive and had ramped you the problems (I've been on here before about that but whole other story)
Before we moved I was worried about dh job and said I don't think we should move unless everything's ok but he said don't worry it's going to be ok. We then moved to a rural area. Three weeks later my dh lost his job. He says he had no idea but I thought this might happen and feel like an idiot believing him.
I have a small pt job where I wfh.
My day is drop dh to work dd to school takes an hour driving then come home 9-3 wfh fairly intensively and then pick dd up from school and supervise her. She's very hyperactive and difficult. Then around 7pm I collect dh from train station. repeat. I feel like I am done with this. I hate my job and the plan was for dh bonus to come in and I don't work for a couple of months while I sort childcare and me a new job. Now we have no money for childcare and I am trapped. Dh has got a intermediate job that pays a lot less than the last one so my continual long days are ongoing for the foreseeable future but now it's without the prospect of me having any help or getting out of my situation as now my entire salary disappears on living.
I'm so down and angry. I got angry with my dh this morning saying how much he's lied to me. I think he's autistic. He doesn't react to anything. He doesn't look like he's even noticed me breaking down and simply thinks it's all going to be fine soon. But it's been 6 months. It's not fine. I am so down I can't do it anymore. i do most housework all cleaning because I don't work one day. I am so done with nagging for help. Dh only lifts a finger when I finally lose it. He thinks he's gods gift to domestic duties which is ridiculous. He says to me oh but I put bleach down the toilet last week as if that's 'bathroom cleaned' I am not coping I don't even know what to do with myself. Normally I tell myself to get myself together and carry on. This isn't like me to just breakdown.
I'm sat in my bathroom not doing my work because I just can't face anything right now. I spoke to dh but he said he's got it tough. Which he has. And that just makes it all worse.