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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can anyone help having a very bad day

4 replies

lemonmelons · 04/02/2020 09:40

I'm having a terrible morning. I've nc for this. I just can't cope with my life the way it is right now I've got myself into such a mess.
My dh has lied to me over and over again. I think he means well to pretend everything's ok but he's still making up shit. Last year we both decided we wanted to move to a different area because my family are abusive and had ramped you the problems (I've been on here before about that but whole other story)
Before we moved I was worried about dh job and said I don't think we should move unless everything's ok but he said don't worry it's going to be ok. We then moved to a rural area. Three weeks later my dh lost his job. He says he had no idea but I thought this might happen and feel like an idiot believing him.
I have a small pt job where I wfh.

My day is drop dh to work dd to school takes an hour driving then come home 9-3 wfh fairly intensively and then pick dd up from school and supervise her. She's very hyperactive and difficult. Then around 7pm I collect dh from train station. repeat. I feel like I am done with this. I hate my job and the plan was for dh bonus to come in and I don't work for a couple of months while I sort childcare and me a new job. Now we have no money for childcare and I am trapped. Dh has got a intermediate job that pays a lot less than the last one so my continual long days are ongoing for the foreseeable future but now it's without the prospect of me having any help or getting out of my situation as now my entire salary disappears on living.

I'm so down and angry. I got angry with my dh this morning saying how much he's lied to me. I think he's autistic. He doesn't react to anything. He doesn't look like he's even noticed me breaking down and simply thinks it's all going to be fine soon. But it's been 6 months. It's not fine. I am so down I can't do it anymore. i do most housework all cleaning because I don't work one day. I am so done with nagging for help. Dh only lifts a finger when I finally lose it. He thinks he's gods gift to domestic duties which is ridiculous. He says to me oh but I put bleach down the toilet last week as if that's 'bathroom cleaned' I am not coping I don't even know what to do with myself. Normally I tell myself to get myself together and carry on. This isn't like me to just breakdown.

I'm sat in my bathroom not doing my work because I just can't face anything right now. I spoke to dh but he said he's got it tough. Which he has. And that just makes it all worse.

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 04/02/2020 10:44

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Can you move closer to DH's job as you will spending a lot of money on fuel. Or can he take the car and you walk DD to school? Do you want to stay with your DH? Do you have any friends to chat to in real life?

lemonmelons · 04/02/2020 11:08

Thanks for replying. I have no friends now I've moved far away. My only friend has just moved to another country. I have no family, they were why I moved they were very abusive to me and wouldn't leave me alone in hindsight I wish I'd reported them but I ran away to where I am now.

I am trying to make new friends but although I find making friends fairly straightforward I am struggling to carve time into my week to do it. Dd is now in a primary school 30 mins from where we live in traffic I hadn't realised how bad the traffic got as we moved in the summer. School places are hard to come by, I feel awful the thought of moving her again but I haven't completely written that off as I am not coping now and I know I need to make changes.

OP posts:
Oldstyle · 04/02/2020 11:54

That's tough OP. No wonder you are feeling depressed. I think you perhaps need to decide whether you want to stay with DP or not - it doesn't sound as if the relationship is fulfilling you in any way right now.
If the answer is no, then start getting things organised on a practical level, including moving DD to a school nearer to your home if you can. She'll be fine as long as you are. Flowers

lemonmelons · 04/02/2020 12:33

Thanks yes I don't know. I'm so down it's hard to think straight. Being in a new place alone isn't really helping me think nows the time to just leave. I don't think I can afford to live without my dh tbh and I do want to be with him I just wish he'd help more but he's suffering as well from losing his job so I suppose I have let things slack again on that side of things. We don't have much. Im trying to cope day to day.

I feel awful not being grateful for what I do have ie dc and a job but a few years ago I had a career and a lot more in place and it's all fallen apart. I feel like a shadow of who I was. Now I have an almost minimum wage job due to taking something in school hours so I could be the childcare and don't even know how to get back into work now. And even if I did go back I've been a few years out and forgotten a lot of what I used to do.

Now we are just paying bills. As dh is a temp we can't even move due to our credit score now. He is looking for permanent jobs but it's been 6 months now. The nearest school is 6 miles away as we are rural. We took rural as was cheaper rent. It's all a bit of a mess really. Sorry I sound really depressing. I'm not usually like this but it's hit me today I am feeling truly trapped in my situation

OP posts:
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