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Original poster

My ex boyfriend and I aren’t together but I’m pregnant?

13 replies

mariahannc · 03/02/2020 20:49

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me a week ago because he said we “rushed into this relationship” and he wants to get his life together before he commits to our relationship after he already made me his girlfriend and I moved in with him because he wanted me to. He basically said he doesn’t want to have to worry about our relationship and making me happy because he wants to be able to get his life together on his own since he “wasted his 20s” worrying about his past ex girlfriends who screwed him over. He said I was the best girlfriend that ever came into his life and that it was just wrong timing but now I am pregnant. I don’t know how to tell him or what to do, I’m scared he might blame me and think I’m trying to trick him into being with me. What if he still doesn’t want to be with me anyways? Our relationship was going so good, he gave me no reason not to believe his reason for our break up so I was okay with it. At first I was hurt because how could he do this to me? Have me move in and just all of a sudden dump me? But I understood and he explained his situations with his mom being sick and he might want to take care of her and he might lose his job. He allowed me to still live with him until his lease is up in the end of March, I was going to move out sooner probably in February so it can be easier on both of us but now there is a baby involved, so how do I break the news to him? Do y’all think there is a chance of us getting back together? My mind is all over the place and I will honestly be hurt if he doesn’t want us to work this out and leaves me alone with a newborn but I know I’ll get through it in the end if things don’t work out in my favor. I wish nothing but the best for him, he’s a great guy and ended things civilly with me. Please give me y’all a honest advice and opinion. No hateful or rude comments, I’m going through a lot right now and don’t know how to turn to about this matter. :(

OP posts:

KundaliniRising · 03/02/2020 20:58

I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation, really op if he does not want to be with there is not much you can do about that

Do you want to keep your baby? No matter if you are with him or not? I feel that this would be the priority question.

LemonTT · 03/02/2020 21:07

I’m sorry but I have to be honest and that might be hurtful. All the reasons he gave for ending it, amount to a long winded version of “its not you, it’s me”. Which is is a nice way of saying he doesn’t want you as his life partner. I realise that’s going to hurt. I’m sorry but you need to come to terms with that if you want to be parent.

If you decide to have a baby then that baby needs parents who parent. Not ones that get together, break up, fall out, get back, bicker and eventually become acrimonious. Because if he doesn’t really want to be with you, nothing will change that and the relationship is doomed.

Accept the separation and work towards co parenting unhindered by attempts to rekindle a relationship that failed. The baby is a person and not a way back into a love affair.

PinkSmartiesOnly · 03/02/2020 21:14

Hmm so it seems he was right then. You were trying to rush the relationship.

He invites you to move then then all of a sudden youre pregnant? It sounds like this was planned by just 1 of you.

Now, you want him to get back together despite you demonstrating the exact behaviour that made him break up with you?

Next time, take the relationship at a pace that suits you both and dont try and push a man into a corner to get your own way.

willowmelangell · 03/02/2020 21:51

He has ended the relationship.

You have to find somewhere to live before March.
He has plans.
It is nice that he is nice guy. Maybe he will come up with some finances to cover baby costs. Maybe he will want a parenting role or at least quality time with baby.
But a baby is not going to change how he feels/does not feel about you.
I found out I was 4 months pregnant a while after an ex finished with me. I was slagged off, bad mouthed, accused of trying to trap him, deliberately getting pregnant, he wasn't the dad and on and on and on.None of it was true. I knew from the second I found out, that I was on my own, but told him anyway. I thought he had a right to know.

You should consider the possibility that he will not take the news well.

Cyberve · 04/02/2020 06:00

Why are you constantly asking will he want you back because of this? He doesn't want you at all. Accept that.

Keep the baby if you want, but you will be a single parent. He doesn't want you. He may be OK with the baby, but unlikely seeing that he's going to lose his job.

And he will probably accuse you of getting pregnant on purpose which to be honest it does sound like it. Hopefully you didnt, but you seem obsessed with keeping him.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/02/2020 06:02

You need to leave asap

HettySunshine · 04/02/2020 06:46

Have you got family support? Do you work?

I think you need to move out as soon as you possibly can and start getting settled somewhere else.

Your pregnancy is not going to change your ex's feelings about your relationship.

If you want to keep your baby you have to plan to do so alone.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/02/2020 07:27

Babies don’t keep relationships together.

I think PinkSmaries is right and he’s going to think his was planned by one of you. He was very daft if he didn’t use codons to protect himself contraception wise.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 07:33

You need to accept that if you have this baby you're doing it as a single parent.

He doesn't want to be with you so why do you want him to take you back?

Would you really want to force someone to be with you 'for the sake of the baby'?

12345ct · 04/02/2020 07:47

Agree with PinkSmarties.

Tyersal · 04/02/2020 09:01

He won't want you back just because you are pregnant and even if her did that's not the right reason.

My advice would be an abortion, somewhere to live and move on, he's not the one for you

MMmomDD · 04/02/2020 09:20

Why would you want to bring a baby into this situation? You don’t seem to be in any sort of secure and stable phase in your life to he having a child.
Who and how will support this baby? Where will you live?

Urkiddingright · 04/02/2020 13:39

This happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. She split from her long term boyfriend then discovered she was pregnant a couple of weeks later. He said he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her or the baby, that he wanted her to terminate and called her all the names under the sun. Definitely accused her of trapping him more than once then blocked her. He had zilch involvement until the child was around two when he clearly grew a guilty conscience and now he’s a pretty good Dad actually. They definitely never got back together though, she had a difficult couple of years raising him alone.

You need to remove him from the equation entirely because he has ended the relationship, he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. I know that’s tough to accept but it’s true and a baby won’t change that. Remove him from the situation and ask yourself whether you can cope with being a single Mother. If the answer is yes then go for it, it not then terminate.

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