How to stop investing emotionally too soon (OLD)?!

[Ruralbliss]

Have lurked and found much wisdom on the dating thread for some time now I really try to stick to The Rules with OLD but finding it hard not to emotionally invest too soon.

I seem to do it every time. Even when I know the guy in question clearly isn't long term material for me I get bonded with them way too soon then gutted when it ends.

What tips are there for not letting imagination run away with new 'irons' too soon?

I'm very tearful having split from a guy yesterday. Only met him in Nov. Had some lovely times but new he wasn't The One. Still gutted and wished I hadn't fantasised about a future with him.

How do I stay cool next time and withhold my high standards (ie bin the off when I first realise they aren't ticking all the boxes)?

Any clues gratefully received!

@Ruralbliss come and post on the dating thread! A lot of useful tips on there.....

I don't know the answer, but wish I did!

First of all, meet them quite quickly. Don't bond over messaging. Quick coffee during the day to see if you want to go on a date.
Two, before you meet make sure you're both looking for the same thing. Three, take it slowly and mirror his level of interest. Let him do the chasing (I know it's old fashioned but we value someone we have to chase).
Four, before having sex, make sure you're on the same page and don't have sex too quickly as it causes a rush of bonding hormones. Make sure he also wants an exclusive relationship before it becomes physical. If he doesn't then move on.

Wow @12345kbm that is some stirling advice there! Thanks so much.

I can confirm I have fallen down at tips 3 & 4 but ready worked out the first few. Giving great text is not the same as being a good match IRL.

Will put these wisdoms into practice next time I find someone interesting enough to meet in person

Thanks so much.

It's no problem, glad to have helped.

Regarding point 3, it's about investment. If he's investing time and effort into the relationship, then he sees potential. Watch what he does, not what he says.

I also did this OP when OLD

then I totally gave up, met a guy and we both stated we were looking for no strings sex
However he started making time to see me, we'd plan things like holidays, he took me out with his friends and family

I've learnt a lot, but men like the chase, I never tolerate shit behaviour from him, but rarely happens anyway

We've been together almost 2 years now but I would:
Invest in your friends / activities
Let him do the planning and running
Have sex if you want to, either way if they like you enough it won't make any difference
Know your worth and accept nothing less

Absolutely great tips from @12345kbm

I'd also suggest dating more than one person while you are not in a sexually exclusive relationship. It's good to compare how different people deal with OLD