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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Suffered Domestic Violence in the past in a new relationship

4 replies

Busymummy5 · 03/02/2020 04:17

My past is messed up I was mentally and physically abused I believe after these experiences I slowly became comfortable alone and actually felt empowered independent and working endlessly to provide for my family I am raising alone. I started to travel to enjoy some alone time to Ben myself and visit another country I felt save in away from my horrible past. I just continued on with life for a few years till I met someone over a year ago. He wasn’t my type and I wasn’t looking for a partner however with time I fell for him he is such an open, loyal and trustworthy man. I have taken my time and I’ve acknowledged how my past had impacted my family and myself because it’s important to me to have slowly been open about my dark past. He had been nothing but supportive and caring. He is older than me but that isn’t an issue either because his maturity is a positive thing to be around it helps me. He is very kind in many ways, he has been nothing but what I believe is a real man in a healthy mind set encouraging me to lead a better future. I was shocked to get a car for a start and to know he is genuine makes life feel finally at peace but I am finding it hard accepting gifts I know he means well and I should be happy but it makes me feel like crap because I can’t return beautiful gifts back all the time because I have became so independent since what happened to me in my past. I also feel like he’s paying me for my time and I know that isn’t true but I’ve never ever been treated So kindly and have someone love me for me without me changing who I am I’ve been 100% open about myself because my past taught me that some pick out weakness from people and suffer just like I did during the darkest moments of my life. I have been myself and he absolutely idolises me and respects me in so many ways am worried I keep offending him when I object to his kind gestures because I seriously don’t care for a higher class of living it’s him I love I really don’t need gifts. Don’t I now how I am feeling because I feel like Julia Roberts on pretty woman: I’ve told him I don’t need anything because I find it hard to accept things but he’s helping me have an easier lifestyle whilst receiving help to heal from my past and current struggles. Has anyone been through anything similar? I guess I’ve found a good person who I adore but working through all my past is hard but I believe things happen for reasons and maybe I need to relax more and enjoy the moment instead of constantly worrying he will one day find someone with less of a complex background.

OP posts:
mumsie2019 · 03/02/2020 09:09

Would he help you get some counselling or maybe you could go together to find away to make it work for you and accept your life now.
He is with you for a reason.

user14928465 · 03/02/2020 09:19

He bought you a car? (Cash or finance?) How long have you been together? How much older is he? How did you meet?

How does he show he respects you other than with gifts?

I would not consider "Julia Roberts on pretty woman" to be the benchmark for a healthy relationship. That's a film about a man who buys a woman.

DearHappy · 03/02/2020 09:43

I’m not surprised you’re questioning things if he bought you a car. A relationship is not about expensive gifts is it? You’ve told him you’re not comfortable about it.

I’m not sure there’s enough to go on to say this isn’t right but it’s setting off alarm bells.

DearHappy · 03/02/2020 09:43

Presumably you have your own money as you say you work hard.

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