My marriage has been under strain for about 1.5 years. We argue a lot. I find DH impossible to communicate with, very rigid, dismissive and feel that I have to live with the world according to him, because he will not tolerate any disagreement. That world is pretty rigid as he’s a very anxious parent and is a bit obsessional as a result but absolutely doesn’t see that’s he’s anxious and gets very angry if I suggest even gently that he might be and that there might be support for that. We have two DC, 2 & 5 and have had a hard time as our youngest had prolonged very serious health problems and a lot of time in hospital — better now. I think it’s v understandable that DH is anxious in the wake of that but he can’t see it. I feel I get told off a lot of the time, eg today for leaving our 2 year old in our bedroom on her own for 2 mins to get a glass of water for myself. He says I should have called him to take over and that the fact I didn’t means I’m not communicating like a human. I objected, then he got angry and told me it’s depressing I can’t manage communication over everyday life. I’m afraid that’s what I feel about him. This is a typical interaction.
I’m totally financially dependent on him and gave up my career to look after the kids. I wouldn’t get a job in that field now if I tried. I’ve retrained but in a field that’s paid low wages and jobs are usually part time. I can’t see how I could support myself with a house big enough for the kids. So I’m thinking of seeing how things go for the next 3 years when my youngest starts school and by that point maybe I might have managed to get a couple of part time jobs and won’t have to pay for childcare, which I couldn’t afford if we separated. By contrast DH earns a good salary. Sorry for the long post, I’m just feeling stuck and very unhappy. We have actually just started at Relate, but I don’t feel that hopeful, really.