Hi all, I've posted a few times about being separated but stuck living together as stbx would not move out. There was years of emotional abuse and he was very cruel and unsupportive but for some (stupid) reason I put up with it. Dec 18 one morning I woke up and the love had gone and it was over for me. When I told him he suddenly announced that he behaved in an overly aggressive and domineering manner because he felt very feminine and was confused about his sexuality but wanted us to try again. I had been asking him for years to tell me what was wrong as I knew there was something and had asked him to go to counselling, but he told me it was for weak people and refused.
Anyway we did counselling and I agreed to live together for a while but nothing changed for me, I had lost trust and all I see when I look at him is the hurt and lies. But we have three children together and it's hard to make the final cut.
I have been honest with him and there have been many tearful discussions but there's no going back. I kind of wish I could but my heart is done. He had refused to consider moving out but couldn't afford to take on the house, whereas I can and the kids want to stay here.
So I wrote him a letter setting out the financial stuff (he keeps banging on about being stuck in a bedsit while I have the house). In the letter I set out that with his equity and a small mortgage he could have a three bed house close to the current home and that seems to have done the trick. He's looking at houses and is grouchy but seems to be more accepting of the situation.
This is what I've been working towards for over a year, but now I've got there I feel scared and a bit sick. I know there's no going back, I've tried that and I definitely don't want it, but it's so scary moving forwards. He is now texting other women and on dating sites and although I don't feel like I want him back, it's hard to see and yes a dent to my ego.
I never wanted to be a single parent, planned to be married for good, but he's not the man I thought he was and I feel so sad. I know this is a kind of grief and a process I have to go through, but man it hurts! I have him everything for 20 years and feel cheated. Sorry to go on, thanks for listening!!