How viable is dating offline?

[Bjerkley]

Hi, 41 year old guy who would appreciate a female perspective. I've recently relocated to a new town. As yet, I have few friends and connections in the local area and colleagues are all partnered up, married or not my cup of tea. I would like to meet someone. However, I don't want to online date because with my last and only foray it almost destroyed my soul and I would rather drink my own urine than ever do it again.

So I thought I'd meet someone off-line but then immediately thought, 'How and where do you even do that these days?'. Everyone I asked under 45 had met their partner online. Every one. It then got me wondering whether anyone much meets their soulmate in 'meat space'. Is that the case with people here? And if you did meet offline, how and where?

I mean, he fact that there are lots of us here must mean that for millions of years humans were partnering up without Match or Tinder.

Sorry I double posted somehow.

I met dp in a bar, but i would go somewhere women hang out (assuming you're straight) - places like evening classes, running groups, clubs etc. basically pick things you like then at least you'll have one common interest. In my experience women outnumber men everywhere aparr from gigs and cycling so that should boost your chances!

Ime it involves meeting people in hobbies you've got in common

So friends have met partners at park run, night classes , football matches supporting their mutual team ,

People still meet in clubs pubs and bars

So instead of chatting at home online you have to get out there

Oh and as you've relocated ask neighbours, work colleagues to introduce you to people , make it known you're on the market

What difference does it make where you meet them? If you had a bad experience of meeting someone in a bar, would you never go to a bar again?

Your logic is flawed. Get back online.

I'm with you on online dating. I think it's awful and soul destroying. I tried it years ago - never again.

There are lots of things you can try - there are loads of women in community choirs - of all ages, backgrounds and interests. They're quite sociable groups/people and don't even require you to sing particularly well 😉 They're always crying out for men too!

Swing dancing is also really sociable. There are beginners Lindy hop lessons pretty much everywhere. You don't need to turn up with a partner, again most classes are crying out for male leads, and there are a huge number of social dances, festivals, camping weekends, overseas festivals all which give a great opportunity to meet people and just have fun. I did both for a few years and met some lovely people.

I dont particular want to meet someone online I'd like it to happen organically. My intention is to start with bars and pubs in town. Gigs too , the kinds of places where I'd already have something in common with others there

Online dating isn’t for everyone, I don’t go out a great deal (lone parent) so I was persuaded to try a dating agency. I thought it would be hugely cringe, the whole sign up bit was a bit embarrassing, but it was worth as I did meet someone amazing.

Ignore Harry.

OLD is potentially very dangerous. OP has had a bad experience. So why should he?

Clubs and hobbies. But in the words of a PP, ho where women hang out. Jesus H Christ.

So go for you. See what unfolds and best of luck!

I met dh in a bar having after work drinks. We were in our 20s. I think it’s probably harder though in your 40s as it’s not obvious who’s single and who isn’t. Have you tried singles - insert activity you enjoy - groups or singles travel etc? I feel like that’s probably a better bet than a bar after a certain age.

Online dating was a nightmare for me too. Just awful. I had given up but then met my current partner in a pub after a gig, we just got chatting and had a lot in common. Real life makes a huge difference in my opinion, but that's only my opinion! I'd say do something that you're interested in to meet like minded partners and then even if you don't meet anyone you will make friends and have a good time.

I dont think you can over plan this stuff. Hobbies and classes are all well and good but in reality probably not your best bet, quite restrictive in terms of numbers of women....

How about local websites, community type stuff , I know it's still on line but not dating...just a way of connecting and then taking it from there.

These things happen organically , they always have, so just wait and see and try and get out and about as much as poss. Also dont be put off OLD completely.... there are truly some lovely women out there

The worst thing about OLD which OP wont have to worry about I assume is dick pics. Why do people think that's how to get someone's interest?

The worst thing about OLD which OP wont have to worry about I assume is dick pics

I'll take your dick pics and raise you a slow motion wank video.

I mean, on what planet would anyone want to see a slow motion wank video of a stranger!

Like someone else, I'd prefer to meet someone organically and just 'click'. The idea of having a girlfriend/boyfriend shaped space in your life and then just trawling through a catalogue of profiles and undertaking 101 'pick me' dances in order to find someone who is the best fit for that space is awful.

@NeverBeenLoved that sounds horrendous!

Look at www.meetup.com for your area . There are usually loads of women at these social events .

Oh my. A slow motion wank video? I've heard it all. Have never used OLD and don't think I ever will. Real life only for me. OP , are you living in a city or somewhere smaller?

The evening classes (especially crafts) and experience days I’ve been to have all been mostly female, and many allowed for a good chat between participants as well. Recommended!

Oh yes, and my friends doing OLD have had the slow motion wanking videos as well, often completely unsolicited in the middle of the day. Simply awful.

I've never done online dating. I'm 39, and my current partner(who is 42) and I live in the same building, which we both moved to after respective break ups. He was my knight in shining armour when I had a flat tyre last summer 😂. Our relationship has blossomed from there really. I've heard some real horror stories about online dating, and so I've actively avoided it.