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Relationships

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Original poster

Family vs career

6 replies

Kiwibird90 · 01/02/2020 22:48

Hi everyone,

I’m really in need of some impartial advice, I can’t really talk to family about it because they have such strong opinions.

I moved to the other side of the world to follow my husbands career in the military, it’s been difficult because I’m close to my family and he is very often away from home with work. When we first moved he said it would only be for a few years so he could fulfill his career aspirations but 5 years on we are still here.

We’ve since had a daughter and another one on the way. I’m really struggling being so far from my family and friends bringing up my daughter alone most of the time. I’ve tried talking to my husband but he doesn’t want to move and still has goals in the military.

Should I just suck it up and wait for him to be ready to leave? I don’t want to leave him. But I’m really struggling without my family around me and feel so sad knowing they’re missing out on my children. And that my children are missing out on so much of their family.

Thanks.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 02/02/2020 00:19

I'm not really sure what you want us to say.

I mean, surely you took into account when you married him, that he was in the forces. It kind of goes with the job that you get moved about. That said (and I will admit I'm only talking about 2nd hand knowledge here, but it is something that is said a lot) - surely all the other families around you are in the same boat? Because of that, isn't there a 'ready made network' of other families who know what it is like to move regularly, knowing no-one, and being far away from their family and friends ?

ToBreatheAgain · 02/02/2020 00:26

If he's being deployed and not home much could you take your kids back to see your family for a long visit while he's on deployment?

Missarad · 02/02/2020 01:11

Go home say u need support and he can visit on his leave xx

Namenic · 02/02/2020 01:25

Perhaps go with the kids and stay with your family for a long holiday - like 2 months? See how it goes and discuss about where you and kids are based in future?

SandyY2K · 02/02/2020 18:24

Are you content with having no career and being a trailing spouse?

I thought this thread would be about your own career, but it's not...it's all about his.

He gets to climb the ranks and you have long periods when he's not around, with no family.

Even if he wasn't in the military and you lived abroad you'd have the same problem...you just need to factor in long trips home to see your family.

CanIHaveaPint · 02/02/2020 18:48

Ex military wife here.

I'm fairly certain that he will have options as to where he does his next tour. Not sure what he does, but being in the military doesn't necessarily mean being posted all over the world with no say as to where you go/what you do.

Ultimately it's not all about him and his wants. As a military wife, you have to put up with an element of upheaval but this sounds more like he is just taking jobs to further his career, rather than being forced to go somewhere that you'd both rather not be.

We moved quite a bit, but within the UK. Mine definitely had the option to go overseas, but we both decided that wasn't going to work for us.

I totally understand why you don't want to be away for years, your kids growing up hardly knowing their extended family. I think you need a frank discussion with your husband re his next tour and look into options in the UK.

Flip