Another one bites the dust and feel so negative

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Going through another break up. And stupidly I thought he could be the one despite our huge differences politically and socially. He was the kindest, most generous, loving man I've been with. We both have good jobs, our own homes, some similar interests, sorted in life etc, just looking for the one. But I suspect he may have a personality disorder, and he has made a few not very nice comments which have made me think about the long term future. Our arguments get out of hand, and I am tired of mediating all the time.

Anyway.

I'm mid 30s. Never short of men and interest. But I can't make a relationship work for more than 2 years. I think my standards are so high, that I can't fall in love - most men are misogynistic, domineering etc and I can't make it work. I'm often told to compromise to have a baby and settle down, but I can't seem to. I'd rather be alone, than settle, then possibly end up as a single mum - I want to be a family. I'd find it too hard as a single mum.

Yes, there are decent men, but they're far and few between, right?

Many people are settled by mid 30s, but my close group of female friends aren't. And we're just all a bit tired of men tbh. It's just one after the other. None seem to stick.

Just want to get this off my chest, have a moan, and see what you guys think?

I massively get it and am in a similar position.

Just to throw my 2p worth in: with me, I repeatedly waste time making a relationship work even though the obstacles are realistically too big and it will end eventually.

With me it I usually overlook very difficult logistics if I like the person and in your case it sounds like you might have overlooked some real differences in personality/ values? I think a year or 2 can work despite the odds as it's still a honeymoon period if you generally get on well and nobody has done anything too wrong.

Trouble is that these periods add up. So for me, I know I need to be calling time on incompatible relationships much much more quickly until I find one that is more suitable long term.

2 years is generally the end of the honeymoon period - a lot depends on how often you see each other.

When youre finally out of the fog, you realise you simply dont want to or cant be bothered to continue to overlook the serious flaws in the other person.

Have you tried dating older, as in, a lot older? Men tend to mellow and mature later than women.

I’m in a similar position but I’m a bit younger and I get zero interest from anyone who’s single and sane. I have however been stalked and abused by men I briefly dated who appeared to be normal and nice... until they suddenly weren’t. I don’t know what the answer is but I sympathise. I agree with previous posters who say that you may be rationalising away red flags/dealbreakers and thus wasting time in relationships that are doomed before they begin. How about making a list of non-negotiable - things that you really cannot live without in a partner, such as kindness towards others and (maybe) wanting a family?

I also agree by the way that many men are still misogynistic and domineering, and threatened by successful women - no matter how much they pretend otherwise. My single friends say the same.

But he doesn't sound nice, OP.

He sounds like an abusive nightmare.

With kindness, OP. You assert that your standards are too high, but the fact that you are agonising over whether to stay with this nightmare suggests that your standards are actually quite low. I would question whether your self esteem is low and what lessons your family of origin taught you about relationships - and your obligation to undeserving men.

Thanks for all your replies.

PicsnRed - I’m not agonising. That’s the thing. I cut and run. So can’t make something work.

Latest guy in his 40s said I wasn’t as hot as his 21 year old ex but I was nicer.

Why on earth would you want to make this work? That's the point. He's rotten. A person with high standards would have binned that and walked off long ago, rather than pondered on whether it was "workable".

What are you wanting here? It seems the type you are attracted to isn't the type to be great step-dad material. Also, are you being honest with people about what you are looking for.

Your last guy was dating a 21 year old before you at 40s. That's a red flag for what you want, surely?

Key phrase is you suspect a personality disorder.

The next is the 2 year mark. That's significant. But that actually is when it ENDS.

So the key question really is, how long before it turns bad.

You mention mediating arguments? And how out of hand have they become?