Should I let the cat out of the bag?

[Starrynite]

There is a very obvious affair going on in my workplace. It appears to be well known and have been going on sometime.
The two parties do not work at the same branch. One is in an head office/HR role, and the other customer facing.

The moral issue is that one of these parties is married.

Is it right that a lot of people know about this and it continues behind the wife's back?

I'd want to know personally. An anonymous tip of might be the way. Definitely don't involve yourself. There is the possibility she's exaggerating though and it's wishful thinking so you'd need to be sure

I'd leave them to it. As others have said, it's none of your business. If they want to bonk away in the stationery cupboard, that's up to them.

I've known of colleagues in the past who have been at it, it's up to them. I probably do have a different outlook to the majority regarding work colleagues though.

For me, I've never had colleagues as friends and never will, I have a clear divide between work and home and the two never meet. I don't much care what goes on in their lives and they don't know about mine.

Thats just the way I would deal with it though.

This is happening where I work too. The sad thing is the woman having the affair is married, and her husband is friends with a few staff members.

No ones told him yet.

I've been in the same situation, I decided not to get involved. The wife worked with a family member. I was also bullied in work but the girl (sleeping with the husband) and her friends, because the husband got me the job there and jealousy I dont know. Very complicated I know.

I stayed out of it because work would have been hell.

Fast forward 4 years he left her for another woman (not the one I worked with) hes a serial cheater.
It's tough, if my dp was cheating on me I'd like to know. But being in the situation I understand why others cant.

Unless you know all the parties you don't know what is happening in people's personal life. Therefore you could do more damage than good. Stay out if it.

It really isn't your place to get involved and it will probably be more hassle than it's worth!

To be honest the wife probably knows something going on

If it was me I'd want to know. If they are in hr position I cannot believe they are stupid enough to have an affair!

Send the letter with as much information as possible. The wife may or may not know but she would be great full to be told. I know that I wish someone told me as now I fell that everyone knew but me and that’s worse 🤷‍♀️

Ironic that she works in HR

It’s not right but to be honest, this is probably happening in every other work place in the country.

..... posted too soon.

Yes, I think you should tell the wife.

Only get involved if you have proof that you could send to the wife and if you do then send it anonymously. You don't want to ruin your career as well! If it's just gossip then no don't get involved.

None of your business. Maybe his wife knows and doesn’t care for all you know, keep your nose out.

Tell her. She deserves the truth. This was happening at my husband’s office, and the wife told me later that she would have been so grateful if someone had told her.

I was the wife. I genuinely wish someone had told me. Would have saved me 4 years of absolute hell. If you have solid evidence tell. Affairs are so common place that everyone turns a blind eye to them however if they knew the hurt and misery it was causing the other person and the effect on their mental health they wouldn't be condoned so easily. I'm out the other side and glad to be rid of my cheating ex husband but if someone like you had confirmed my suspicions it would have made my life a lot easier.

Amazed at the number of people who'd just look the other way... You should absolutely let the wife know.

Please tell her. Send a detailed, kind, anonymous email.

My dad was a serial cheater. Thirty years after they split, my mum still says the worst was finding out that everybody knew and nobody told her.

I honestly hope that all of the people suggesting ‘it’s none of your business’ aren’t ever cheated on by their partners and have to suffer the torture, emotional pain and horrendous psychological impact of knowing that something is going on in their relationship but having no proof of it. It’s cruel to know that someone is causing another person pain but ‘it’s none of your business’ so just let it carry on. Having been cheated on, I would’ve welcomed someone putting me out of my misery. Please think about sending the wife an anonymous letter, that could be the difference between someone living the next few years of their life in a world of hurt and distress and then finally being able to cut themselves free.

I would want to know, but not at the cost of your job if the OW is in HR. If you could do it anonymously then I would if I could.

Could not agree more having been in the same position.

Unless you are certain you mustn't. A work colleague's wife was told that he was having an affair only to find out that he's basically been seen repeatedly out at lunch and hugging etc a colleague from another office- who happened to be his SISTER! I know it's not the norm but unless you're certain just don't go there.

@starrynite yep! But if it's the woman that's been talking about it I'd always take it with a pinch of salt now. Unless you've seen it with your own eyes I wouldn't say anything. You just never know.

I'd have to say something because I understand how much it hurts when you realise all that time was a lie.