Affair / anxiety / confusion

[Blueskyhappy]

Hi ladies.

I'm so anxious. Been living in a financially controlled relationship for 20 yrs. I got to rock bottom a year ago and ended up meeting someone ... he's is my male twin, genuine and kind, shares with me and loves me. I'm under no illusion it will be easy , I love him and am screwed up inside trying to exist here with DH . I'm anxious and depressed but controlled financially to the point I have no access to any of DH accounts. We have a lovely house, lots of holidays and kids in private school but I live at his peril, I earn a bit but only enough to get the food ect. I am so worried I will flip soon as it's getting too hard to be near DH but I'm so
Worried about my two girls , one teenager and one 10. I'm just reaching out to you ladies for words of help/encouragement.
What do I do !!!!!

Well,you are doing exactly what my"mother" did.🙄
In the end everyone found out about the "love of her life", her "soulmate",her "true love" etc.. and nobody likes her including us,the children.
We can not wait for the day she will leave this earth to be honest. We lost our respect towards her but at least she doesn't have to use my father's money and lie to us.
No matter what you do,your children will be mentally affected by your affair. You need to invest money in their therapy so they can have an okay future. I pity your children and husband.
A mother will never put her "needs"first before her own children,you should learn that if you want them to be around when you'll be old.

You leave for yourself and your daughters so they don't end up totally broken and thinking abusive relationships are normal. You focus on recovering and building them a home that is free from abuse and stable.

Speak to Women's Aid. Do the Freedom Programme.

Do not run to a different man. You're so immersed in your abusive relationship you can't see how damaging it is for your daughters, so there is no way you are equipped to accurately assess whether or not he is abusive too. All you have established is that he is different.

MalusDacus what a disgusting attitude to have. Your mum is still a person in her own right. Not a martyr to her children, only exisiting to forfil their every whim. I imagine she was unhappy in her relationship, but clearly should have just put up with it to make you happy.

MalusDacus

Yeah echoing. Vile attitude. If YOUR mother didnt abuse you, you have zero right to judge.

Not only that, your treatment of the OP is beyond disgusting. Shes just admitted shes in an abusive relationship of 20 years. And you put the boot on.

Your name speaks volumes.

No wonder people find it so hard to ask for help.

OP - are you actually having an affair?
Or - is this someone you would like to be with?
I hope you are ok.
Is your DH’s abuse limited to you not having access to money...or ...?
You do not need to think just about your children or your DH but you probably shouldn’t think just of yourself either.
Would you like to tell us more?

The only vile person is the one who decides to cheat and lie, plus destroying a family for a bit of sex/pleasure/attention.
I can not respect nor love a person that has no principles, no self esteem and no dignity. People can make mistakes but not all mistakes are acceptable,like it or not.
So you ladies,if you think cheating can be used as an excuse ..go ahead,but in reality people with a brain will avoid those with no brain cells.
And I didn't say anything too harsh to OP just the truth..how the children will see her. (My sister and I were her children's age when shit went down)
Once you break a child's heart be ready for the outcome of it.

Qwerty543 don't assume things just because you are a female,you don't know how my "mother" was/is.
Being unhappy isn't an acceptable excuse to use in going into an affair,divorce / breaking up exists for a food reason.
I respect those that admit the relationship isn't the same or is not working anymore so they decide to separate and go on different paths..in other words life goes on but not when it comes to cheating.

@MalusDacus wow you are a bitter soul I feel for you. Your feedback is more than useless. I really do hope you find happiness in your life one day. Actually you have made me laugh a lot tonight 😅🤣.Thank-you

Omg MalusDacus you seriously are a damaged person I hope your getting some kind of therapy or counselling you sound mentally unstable

Gosh @MalusDacus has your wife just left you?

Hope you are OK, OP.
Cheating is not OK.
Ever.
I do think DCs deserve a period of adjustment between seeing their own parents separating, and seeing either parent in a new relationship.

Hope everything works out & that your DCs are OK.

OP, I imagine there are very few children who would cut their mum out and wish them dead over an affair.

Thanks for those of you that responded with sane answers.

I know I am doing wrong with the affair yes, I do not intend to leave my husband for "him".

I have been very unhappy in my marriage for 10years and stayed for the children.

I've watched my husband control me financially. Go off on expensive holidays, wearing expensive clothes, drive round in a top range Porsche and splash the cash while I can't even access ANY accounts and do not have a joint account. I do EVERYTHING for the children and work 3 days and if my money runs out he leave £10 on the side for petrol. I have to consistently beg for money to get bits of food , clothes ect for kids. He won't let me be a "wife" even trusting me to pay the bills / kids school stuff ect manage general life.... It makes me feel like crap.

It has broken me for 10 yrs I feel like an outcast in his rich greedy world, and I became weak and met someone who make me feel I was worth something again, yes it's wrong but so is this fuck up of a marriage.

All I know is I need to leave and start a new life on my own before I even think about the other one. I'm not stupid and would never leave one for the other . It needs to be for me and the kids first.

Squirrel away tiny amounts to help you get away, then go and see a solicitor. You need to be away from this man