DH thinks I've cheated

[Kittens97]

Basically that, I saw him reading some articles about "signs your wife is cheating". He hasn't actually said it to me outright but his behaviour towards me has changed. He wants to know the ins and outs of my days (I'm on maternity leave, looking after DD [2 years old] and DS [8 months old] and he's cold and distant some of the time.

I am absolutely gutted because this is categorically not true, physically or emotionally. I am devoted to him and bringing up our two beautiful children, they are my whole life. I just can't get my head around why he's thinking like this. My worst fear is that he's projecting, but equally it is breaks my heart to think that he thinks I'm capable of hurting him in this way.

I'm not sure what to do now, so just wondered if anyone had been through something similar or had any thoughts.
Thank you x

Do you think he's feeling neglected in the relationship? Are you busy with the kids?

Lots of women read these sort of articles (or mumsnet) and have the same idea about their husbands/partners.

He sounds like a nightmare. Why can't you both just have an open discussion about this?

@LaReinedOrange

It's entirely possible, it is demanding and tiring having two so close in age but we have been trying to make time for each other as much as possible in the evenings.

I'm not sure how I can be less busy with them at the moment tbh.

@BigFatLiar I completely agree.

@Pomegranatemolasses it's very hard to have a frank discussion about emotional issues with him, which is frustrating. The same thing happens every time there's an issue, he shuts down and I back away for fear of making it worse.

Inability to disprove does not prove.

Your best bet is not to have any truck with his misapprehension - don't pander to his insecurity: it could lead to him becoming controlling and shrinking your world. Go out and about, don't feel obliged to explain yourself, live your life as normal.

This is something he needs to work out for himself, not have you running around trying to prove yourself.

Is this part of a wider issue - is he generally distrustful and jealous or is this new? When does he think you’d be able to have an affair if you spend your days looking after two children?

Did you stumble across these searches by accident or has he left them for you to see on purpose?

Have either of you cheated in the past?

This just seems a very strange thing to think of your wife who’s caring for your two young children with no particular reason to think it.

You could well be putting 2and 2 together and getting 5 here. You need to talk. Have a look online about different communication styles. Do your attempts to talk about emotional issues start with you asking him what the problem is? That can feel like an accusation to some people.

I had two babies 18mo apart and at your stage I didn’t have time to go to the toilet let alone have an affair.

If I saw DH looking at articles about affairs and wanting to know how I spent my day (clue: it involved a lot of shitty nappies) I would have gone fucking postal tbh. Maybe he is having an affair if he’s got affairs on the brain.

@SinkGirl

This is what I can't get my head around, and it's almost laughable. I literally have no spare minutes to myself (apart from now, as the kids are with their Granddad ).

I think he has a history of being cheated on (from what friends have said) so I get that's where some of the insecurity might come from. I don't think he meant for me to see the page, I just caught a glimpse over his shoulder as I walked into the kitchen.

@Hopoindown31 Thank you, something does need to change.

@MayFayner Exactly. 100%

(I'm on maternity leave, looking after DD [2 years old] and DS [8 months old]

When would you have the time or energy to cheat??

I feel for you OP!
I had exactly this (except worse) a year ago. I have a seriously disabled child and could sometimes not leave the house for weeks on end.
It, combined with another horrible situation, made me doubt my sanity, destroyed my trust in him and has changed how I am. Though now I’m more alert to games he plays.
The only advice I can give you is (however you do it) do t let it feather.
Maybe google “what do do when your husband doesn’t trust you for no reason” and leave the page open

Fester not feather 🙄

Did he let you see he was looking at this page deliberately?

Or perhaps, is he cheating and looking for ways it may materialise...?

Either way, it's not good, . And you shouldn't have to list everything you do in your day to day life too appease him.

I'd just say 'cut the bullshit. I'm not cheating on you, I have two friggin toddlers to look after, where would I find the time? And stop with the attitude already. Sort your shit out'.

He's your husband, speaking as forthright as that to him should be easy.

Don't have more kids with him!

Line up the dirty nappies

Mine did the same, checking articles on the 7 signs that you wife is cheating or thinking about it.

Turned out it was him thinking about it while I was neck deep in dealing with a four year old and newborn

If he posted here he would be given the ridiculous advice to “trust his instincts”.

Hope you get this sorted !

Do you think he's feeling neglected in the relationship? Are you busy with the kids? ffs

OP has he been neglecting you? Maybe he's too busy being a Dad or working hard to give you the attention you need and deserve. Does he make time to make you feel like a woman, a human being, does he treat you like his wife or just the Mother of his children?