Cheating husband

[Jess1233]

I’ve found out just over a week ago that my husband is having an affair with a woman at work. We have had problems but I knew he was seeing someone even though he denied it. It finally all came to a head and he admitted it. He says he’s in love with this woman, K, but he doesn’t know what he wants. She’s married with children. He’s at home and says he wants to have a chill weekend so he can think. I’m frantic, the doctor has told me I have stress induced anxiety and he is mad with me because I want to talk. He is currently playing on the PS4. He was a wonderful man before this, kind and sweet but I don’t know who he is anymore. He told me I wasn’t helping because I’m asking what is going on. He says he has had no time since coming in from work. He’s making me feel totally worthless, like this is my fault. I can’t believe he’s this selfish.

Ok you need to block / delete / bar him from your brain right now.
100% focus on you.
Feel what you need to feel, cry, shout, scream.
I find going for long walks in nature helps, and doing some stretching, yoga, also just sitting down and being still - feeling what I need to.
It’s the quickest way to make the pain pass.
Listen to music, dance, jump around.
Watch a movie.
Do whatever you can to help your inner strength right now as he is a prize pig and the sooner you see that and truly realise it the quicker you will be able to move away and onwards without his dead weight dragging you down.

He wants to “sit and think“ how he can make it work with this woman... that’s all.

If you have no kids/commitments, leave. It’ll be better for you in the long run. Don’t take any pills the doctor subscribes, they will easily become additive when your feeling like this.

Things won’t work out with this new woman, he will regret his decisions and realise what he’s done when it’s too late.

It sucks, but move on. 7 billion+ people to choose from!

Do you and he have DC?

I’d be telling him to fuck off somewhere else for the weekend and let you get your head together.

Agree with pp

Don’t let him make you feel like shit for his wrong doings. If this immediate response isn’t he wants to work things out (and mean it obviously) then make the decision for him and tell him fuck off.

Your not a second choice or even something to be thought about have a bit more self respect in the nicest way.

He sounds very immature just coming in and playing on the PS4 when his wife has just found he’s having an affair. I’d be letting OW claim her ‘prize’

Hope you’re okay

Throw him out, don’t do the ‘pick me dance’.

Definitely do not do the ‘pick me dance’. Take the reins and throw him out! He doesn’t get to sit around playing on a PlayStation whilst you’re in turmoil. Deciding which woman he wants or deciding whether he can still have both. Make the decision for him, you are not second best!

I agree with Heartburn888

I’d be telling him to leave . Who does he think he is? He had the affair but he needs time to think? Say goodbye quick, you deserve more.

*Don’t let him make you feel like shit for his wrong doings. If this immediate response isn’t he wants to work things out (and mean it obviously) then make the decision for him and tell him fuck off.
*
This 100%. He is the cheat, he is the one that has broken your trust and most likely ended your relationship. How fucking DARE he think that he gets to choose here, and that you should be expected to let him have a lovely weekend 'chilling' while he decides which of you he prefers.

Having been through something similar, I am so angry on your behalf OP - you don't need to wait for him to make a decision, you certainly don't need to be tormented all weekend waiting to see whether the supreme being generously decides that you are worthy and he wants to be with you. I did, and needless to say while we limped on for another year, he cheated again. The relationship ended at that point. My biggest regret, and the hardest thing to heal from, was the damage letting him make the decision about whether he considered worthy or was going to chuck me out like trash did to my self esteem

Find your anger OP

And also OP, I'm so sorry this has happened

Very sorry for you OP.
He needs to have his ‘chilled weekend’ elsewhere. This is his own doing. He is clearly doing your head in. I would say ‘stay and talk and repair your marriage or piss off for the weekend and chill out somewhere else.’

Best of everything. X

I'd find out who the tarts husband is, tell him, kick the cheating prick of a husband out and let them have each other, while homeless. Sod then both.

Set the bar now about how you expect to be treated and act with dignity.

If he knows he can do as he pleases and walk all over you he will treat you like a doormat.

Kick him out now and let him know there are consequences to his appalling behaviour and he needs to respect you. He can come and discuss the future with you like adults when you say he can.

Do not become his puppy begging for attention, you are worth so much more than that. Even if he can't see it just now, he will one day.

Do you have DC?? That might affect how you deal with this long term.

Either way you need him to leave in the short term.

Another post to reiterate what’s been said already. The audacity of the man to assume he has the right of choose what’s best for him?! Please don’t let him treat you with such disrespect.

Tell him he can have a chilled weekend in a travelodge. Plus tell him he can stay there for the week to give you time to recover and chill yourself.

I suspect what he wants is a chilled weekend so he can work out which cake, or both he can eat.

Does her dh know?