What should I do?

[2fcmahboul5]

I've namechanged.

My son is 23 and I brought him up alone from when he was 6 months. We moved abroad when he was nearly 2. When he was about 10 we moved back here so we could see my eldest more often. He also started seeing his dad more (he saw him whenever we came to see my eldest). When he was about 15 he wanted to live with his dad so I let him. As soon as he moved in with his dad he changed and started being like him (getting into fights, getting angry alot etc where as before he was always quiet, sensitive and well behaved) and he refused to see me because he hated me even though I didn't do anything.

Now I still don't know what to do as he still gets into fights etc. Can I have advice please?

I have seen similar. I brought up my DC alone. When the youngest became an adult the errant father re-appeared. His every word is believed no matter how stupid the statement. He claims to have paid maintenance but he didn't. His mannerisms have been adopted, the criticisms I got were exactly the same as I got all those years ago and why I got divorced. When the bullying and really nasty stuff started I was off out of there at speed.
For different reasons I think all these young people have made very bad decisions especially if they are aware why we divorced their dads and they have chosen to hurt us in this way.
I don't think there are many options

Unfortunately often children who re-connect with previously absent parents can (consciously or subconsciously) emulate them as a way to bond with them. It's often the parent who actually did all of the heavy-lifting that gets sidelined/abused, as you have described.

All you can do, I think, is keep reiterating the facts, make sure he knows you love him, and hopefully the lovely young man you raised will eventually become disillusioned with his arsehole of a father and re-bond with you.

Sending you hugs

His dad blamed me for son getting really ill as a baby ( he was too young for his jabs) and after he was verbally abusive. I just don't know what to do with son as he sees me occasionally but he always says he hates me or something.

My cousin saw her dad every week, sometimes EOW. She rebelled at around the same age, moved in with her dad, didn't last longer than 3 months as she had to do her own washing and cook her own dinners. She turned out fine.

My ex moved in with his dad when he was 16, stayed for 2 years, his dad was a woman abuser and alcoholic, he came back to his mum's. He changed for the worse. As his friends put it: he left as a nice guy and came back a c#nt. He was very abusive and had issues with alcohol.

All I can advise is to give unconditional love and support, but also keep firm boundaries. You're not a verbal punching bag - you deserve respect. Also bear in mind he's still a child.

You left your husband and divorced him for being verbally abusive. Your son is being hurtful and abusive. What is the difference? If one got binned for being abusive why not the other? You deserve a better life than being abused by anyone.

His dad's partner cooks for them etc. He even told me the other day he wishes I wasn't his mum. I haven't stopped seeing my son because I love him. I only left his dad is because in the end I was fed up and wanted to put son first.

I just don't know what to do