DH controlling via drink

[ViviNg]

I'm really pissed off... tonight DH went out and bought some alcohol for this eve. We don't drink during the week and I asked for a large beer as wine makes me feel tipsy. He came back with a half bottle of wine for himself and a four pack of beers for me as they'd run out of the big bottle.
After he finished his wine he asked me to fetch him one of my beers. I said he's already had a half of wine and can't expect to just take mine! At that point he said he was going to bed (although we were watching something) and this was why alcohol was bad. It's annoyed me not because I'm desperate for another beer, but because he thinks I shouldn't be drinking 4 small beers over a few hours, but it's ok for him to have half a wine plus a beer. It's ruined the evening now as he's gone to bed and I'm sat feeling like a wino with a small beer. Is his behaviour normal?! I think he's a petulant child.

TBF you are letting him get away with it. Why did you do all the jobs? I'd have just carried on with my eve as planned and let him stomp off - leaving his half of the jobs for the morning.

Don't let what he does affect how you live - change the script so he loses the 'power'

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully why would us Scots have half bottles of wine?! Surely a nation of alcoholics wouldn’t entertain such a thing 🙄

Does he know he's acting in an abusive way? Not all partners mean to be, but a lot of people have really skewed ideas about healthy relationships. Can you talk properly about your relationship and how his actions/comments make you feel?

What’s wrong with buying a bottle and either putting a fucking cork in it. Or drinking more of it if you want to

There’s this amazing new thing that is going to blow your mind. Bottles of wine with SCREW TOPS 😲

Ok so it sounds like this isn’t really about the wine / beer thing at all. That’s just a trigger for the deeper issues.

However the reason you’re not getting much help here is because from the way I’ve read it - you sound like you’ve had about double than him.
Let’s pretend they were pizzas.

He ordered a half pizza for himself

And ordered you a whole pizza expecting to share half of it - so you would have your half - and then the second half be halved again into a quarter each.

So each gets 1/2 & 1/4 each.

Whereas it come across that you want the whole pizza to yourself and him just to have his half?

I still want to know what large beer equals 4 small ones? I've never seen a beer sold in the shops below 330ml, does that mean theres a 1.3l bottle of beer floating about??

4 bottles of beer does not equal a large beer. It's a huge one.

So, technically, one of the beers beer was his.

Just get drinks you both like in, buy them earlier in the week so they're in in advance. Sometimes having a drink makes you want more to drink, I don't think he's done it intentionally. If it's causing this much trouble then why bother.

It doesn't sound like to me that he's controlling you, you sound like you're both equal and not willing to share.

Grow up! Possibly the most pathetic post I’ve read on Mumsnet.

OP I agree, get this post deleted and start a new one. From the beginning as you started the post whilst upset about something else.

It doesn’t sound controlling to me. He just wanted a beer?

Why did you do the housework? You should have left it if he was meant to do it, or left half of it.

Why are you with him?

My dh does this. Going shopping for friday. No he dont want choccolate. No, dont want chrisps. No, no candy. And then he eat all mine..

I think feeling "worthless, close to tears, and like there is something wrong with you" is very extreme.

I'm assuming a financial issue hence why you buy booze as you do, then argue over sharing it like this.

I'm really not sure of the answer, but maybe talk to one another today.

Why don't you just buy a few bottles of wine and beer so you've always got some in when you fancy it.

Although I can understand why you were upset. If you're feeling taken advantage of then it's often the little things that tip you over the edge.
Hope things seem brighter this morning.

Half a bottle would be 375ml not surprisingly, as in half of 750 - if got the maths right 🤔

Nothing to do with the alcohol, he's punishing you by leaving you with all the work for not doing what he said.
It'll get worse. Get rid of him.

Not really but never mind. I was looking to share my frustration but fuck me I can see how so many women end up being controlled by men with you lot about.
Because we share one of our 4 beverages?

First, I have never seen a half bottle in a supermarket or anywhere.
Second 4 small beers can’t equal a big one unless they were 25cl and you are in the continent were you can buy 1L beer. The biggest bottle I have seen in England is Hoegarden or Leffe at 750ml.
Most small cans here are 330ml, some bottles 250ml.
Therefore he likely bought you more than you asked for and fancied one.

YABU I am sorry

I'm not surprised he went to bed, you have 4 bottles of beer to yourself (which he went out and bought) and you're not willing to let him have one? I think I'd go to bed too to get away from DH if he every did that to me.

He Shopped. Got Wine for himself and beer for her. And then Got pissed of for her not Sharing.
He was the one doing the shopping. Again. He bought Wine for himself and beer for her. Why on Earth is she the one to blame?
As i Said - my dh does this . Oh no i dont need chrisps. Or candy. Or whatever. So i buy to myself. And he want some.
Why on Earth didnt he Just buy the Wine or beer he wanted instead of expecting some of hers?

I'm a grown adult taking on 80% of the grunt work for our household

This is more of an issue than the beer. Why are you doing 80% of the work? Do you work PT or something?

Even having an evening out with friends once every 3 months is an issue as it's unfair that I get to go out of he's at home.

Does he get evenings out with his friends sometimes? What goes for one of you, goes for the other... if he complains about your evenings, why are his ok?

Hi op how are you today ? Judging but what I have read I would say it's got nothing to do with the alcohol but to do with the way he acts in general ? My partner can be a sulker . I'd say 80 percent of the time if he doesn't get his own way . He also storms off a lot too . We are here to help so don't be put off by certain comments xxx

So he doesn't like you going out every 3 months. How often does he go out? If he goes out with his friends it is only fair if you go out equally.

Just buy in extra alcohol for the occasions when you fancy a bit more. Why so rigid?

Often people buy only the alcohol they can afford. Not everyone can afford to keep alcohol in the house, as they both wanted the booze I'd assume that's the case here.

YOU both sound like you judge each other too much and you need to stop or you’ll risk becoming annoying and boring to each other.